May 29, 2024
To:Animal508
Honestly, I think not only your edits, but dialing back this chapter from it's original concept was the right move, seeing as we/Kazuki are still getting used to this world and his recent evolution of being able to move and communicate. So I agree that a lot of the characters aren't ready for a bombastic situation.
However, I think as far as the novel goes, this chapter showed some important things that really deserve to be highlighted.
The first is that Kazuki is willing to commit action against the Hero, even if he's limited by a great many factors. But he's not very capable of doing anything significant yet. From here my assumption would be that he'd likely either find help, potentially turning back to the person in the woods, or continue to evolve in some manner to become more capable. (Maybe both)
The second thing is that he has a heart, not wanting a child to get involved. He rushed his approach though, not considering that a talking rock would likely scare her.
And speaking of that child, this chapter also shows that clearly she isn't able to change yet, either through ignorance, fear or indoctrination. However, Kazuki's insistence on saving her this whole time largly hints to me that maybe in the future she can be turned (possibly paving the way for others to be turned as well). It all depends on how he battles the trope she embodies (I also don't say trope in a negative way, just so that's clear)
Narratively speaking, I felt like his lack of success or major action here was more or less the story telling us/him it wasn't the right time to make a big move, and that he shouldn't jump the gun. It's a low point in his journey, meaning from here he needs to go upwards and find new ways to combat his disposition. We know his goal is to stop the goddess and return people back to normal, and this chapter served to give us the reality of how hard that will be.
I'll be blunt and say I wouldn't scrap it. Edit it as much as you'd like, but don't get rid of it intierly.
That's what I got out of it though. Just felt like sharing some of my thoughts.
In the end, it's up to you if you if anything here needs to be changed or altered, but so far it's been a very captivating story with a unique premise.
I hope you enjoy the journey, and feel free to give me any thoughts you have along the way👍
don't mind me casually stealing that term from you if I write a sequel, if you don't mind, of course