A. Hoshino / Comments

A. Hoshino

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registered at: Jun 03, 2023

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aaa

Jun 08, 2023

To:verntlg

I referred to her as loli as a joke, I understood that she's not XD. I see what you mean with the senpai. If it's going to be relevant in the future, then I just spoke too early.

Winter Ends Soon

Chapter:2

Jun 08, 2023

To:verntlg

Oh okay, sorry for the confusion XD

Winter Ends Soon

Chapter:1

Jun 08, 2023

I'm confused about who the main girl is supposed to be. Is it the friend's girlfriend, the senpai, or the loli? I'd think the loli, but in that case, that whole scene with the senpai seems somewhat out of place. Are you planning for a Harem story?

Winter Ends Soon

Chapter:2

Jun 08, 2023

Hey! I liked the snow setting and you have some really good descriptions and analogies. However, I noticed some of the sentences were kind of weird and you mixed 1st person with 3rd person on some occasions. Are you maybe a non-native English speaker? I'm not one myself, and I sometimes have those kinds of problems with the translation of my novel. Also, I see you're establishing the status quo, but I don't really see much of a conflict aside from him getting run over by a bike. I know the exposition of who the character is and what his life is like is important, but it doesn't really seem like anything happens until the hook at the end. I hope this was useful!

Winter Ends Soon

Chapter:1

Jun 08, 2023

To:Peace Sign

Do you really mean so? It's the first time someone ever tells me my prose is good as I don't like it myself, so forgive me for being distrustful XD. Remember you can be as harsh as you want, as it'll help me improve. Thanks for your comment!

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:1

Jun 08, 2023

I love the maturity of the story and the character's emotional baggage, but there are some parts where the funny moments take me out of the story, like when the grandma asks him when he's going to marry Mina. Still, really good so far.

My Grandma's Loving Maid Is My Classroom Neighbor?!

Chapter:1

Jun 08, 2023

This is by far the most mature take I've seen for the contest, and I like it a lot. Maybe it's personal, but I love the idea of character emotional struggles combined with a love plot because it has so much potential to explore the emotions of the characters. Really liked it so far, I'll keep reading.

My Grandma's Loving Maid Is My Classroom Neighbor?!

Chapter:0

Jun 07, 2023

To:Lihinel

Yeah, my gramps used to say that all the time hahaha

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:6

Jun 07, 2023

Great chapter! I'd say don't worry about it not being a wholesome romance yet. I much prefer a good story where the romance comes naturally after a while to a story that rushes the wholesome scenes to become a romance as fast as possible. So far it's been great!

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:5

Jun 07, 2023

Your prose is incredibly interesting and fun to read. I can see the taint of the character’s thoughts in each sentence, and it makes reading so easy, it seems a professional book. I want to get on your level one day!

Maniavolution

Chapter:1

Jun 07, 2023

To:SarahLynn

At least appreciate the time I spent looking at flowers of potatoes hahaha

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:6

Jun 07, 2023

To:Harmonica Writes

Okay, thanks! And don't worry about repeating criticism. It really helps me get my head around my weak points.

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:6

Jun 07, 2023

To:Pernodi

Good, thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it!

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:5

Jun 07, 2023

To:Harmonica Writes

Thanks! I have a friend who's really talented with Stable Diffusion, and he got me that amazing art (I would've preferred a normal artist, but I don't have much money right now).

I'm really glad you're liking the story so far. I still have much more to improve, so feel free to share any criticisms you may have!

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:6

Jun 07, 2023

To:Pernodi

Thanks for the comment! Remember that if you have any harsh criticism you can say it, as my only goal is to get better at writing!

The Isle of the Forgotten

Chapter:5

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