Aug 02, 2023
Takashi! Oh you unfortunate lad... I could feel "Well done, Ueda. Rest."
But the way you wrote your story, I get a feeling that his love for football will keep him going 😊
Also, I noticed you use a lot of 'smiled' (especially 'shyly smiled'). I was wondering whether using some different words, for example 'Kenjiro smirked' would add more depth to their character. Smile is a valid emotion tell to use but utilize it sparingly, for maximum effect. Else it might start to fall flat, losing the meaning of a smile eventually.
And I love your usage of the coach in your story. It would've been so easy to just discount him as a 'coach' and use him to drive events without much depth but you gave him a personality with some dimension and use him wisely! Such good job there! ❤️ Keep it up!
