Aug 07, 2023
Oh my god. What a chapter. Full of second hand embarrassment 🙈
Hmm, there's just one thing that I am now thinking. It didn't actually catch me when reading but when I'm looking back I'm having second thoughts.
You use quite a few emotion tells, some very complex. Like anxiously, awkwardly, anger. And when reading in one go, it doesn't strike me as weird seeing that. But, that being said, narrator's a middle-schooler, probably not so adept in present tense to realize having the kind of complex emotions you're telling. I understand at this point this is just your storytelling method to use his voice. But if you would like to know what would improve this, it's probably describing his mannerisms expressing these emotions, rather than just saying what he feels in the moment. It would increase the immersion and would make more sense in this setting.
That being said, I really enjoyed this chapter, keep it up and thanks for writing ❤️
![Nanang's Official Cover - 19 August 2023 [Art By: Jean] produced at Garong Studio](https://honeyfeed-novel-images.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/novel_image/file/12376/cover_thumb_c2c31fde-0078-4010-a46f-a15ac09d401b.jpg)
