Jul 10, 2023
Let's start with: I love Keiichi's and his mom's interaction. You have written it pretty nicely and I could visualize mom and the way she is. So props for good secondary character introduction :3
Then, I have to agree with some comments bellow- the paragraphs are chunky. I had exactly the same problem and it came from the fact that when writing on whatever you write on, they don't look big at all but this platform does its magic to expose how long the they actually are. But I won't go on about this anymore as you already know what you have to do.
Further, there was one thing I got stuck on. Day after day he spends gaming and doing otaku stuff. What is otaku stuff? To some might be obvious, but some other people might define it differently so maybe elaborate a bit more.
And, looking into a mirror and reflecting upon oneself is a common cliché in literature. While it comes naturally and it's so attractive to write those, you might want to avoid that, but regardless, it's a well written part.
Aaaand, I was a bit laughing at this because I literally just published a chapter which looks sooo much like yours. Part of it goes through similar routine of waking up, showering, breakfast, parent interaction. So it was so sweet to see that ^-^
