Jun 10, 2024
Hello Saika! I think I have read something from you before and, if my memory serves me well, I think I see some improvements in your prose! And that's always lovely to see.
It was a indeed a cute piece, but it would've benefited from some nuance. For example, some unresolved emotion between the friends, which would be evident from their interactions and some introspection from the narrator (as it's 1st person). Then I think you would have had an easier time writing a plot. For the future, I also would note you might want to tone down your exclamation mark and name usage. One exclamation mark is okay, but I think generally they aren't that necessary unless the action demands it. Otherwise it looks quite cartoonish. Same goes for names in dialogue. If I was talking to a person, I wouldn't constantly say their name, would I? I understand you're using it as a crutch to clarify who is speaking, but that's what dialogue tags like 'Amy said' are for.
Anyway, it was quite wholesome and cute. Hope you don't take my criticism in a negative way, but rather as something to consider if you feel like it. I'm looking forward for your future works and follow your improvement! Good luck and keep writing ❤️
Oh gosh, that makes my cheeks all red
