Jul 06, 2017
I gotta say—you got a great imagination. I could literally see the batte in my head from the descriptions. It was such an intense battle, it got me pumped up. The way you handle the end was great as well, and I couldn't help but get interested in the character.
However, there were some minor issues. The major ones were grammar and punctuation. You were great, but if you can put in some commas, it could make a more powerful sentence. There were some that were missing their capital letters as well, so maybe that should be fixed.
And like I said before, because I could visualize the war, everything seemed so chaotic. I couldn't really follow what was happening except at the end. It's good that you describe every character, but I wonder if some of them were important in the story, and if so, it'll be hard to remember.
Either way, those are my bits. The story is interesting as I'm into military novels, and this one got the most visual aspects and even the terms right. I think this got great potential if fixed up a little bit more. I suggest downloading Grammarly as it always helps me make my sentences stronger XD
