Jul 27, 2017
From the looks of it, it's pretty good. It's short, not hard to understand, and it looks like the start of something interesting.
Though, like Chesarka said, it could use a little bit more descriptions, and honestly the way the story is told could use a little work (I understand that grammar isn't your thing, but I meant the pacing of it) though I could be mistaken on that so don't mind it so much. As per descriptions, honestly, I can't really say anything since descriptions aren't my thing either (I tell it like it is, unfortunately).
ONE MORE THING! (If you get the reference, you had an awesome childhood XD), for your grammar, there's a program that I suggested to another that could help you on your writing called Grammarly. It's a good program that points out the misspellings and grammar issues, though it's not perfect. I suggest that you should try it out and see for yourself if it works. If you noticed any improvement, it could help you out in the long run of learning grammar, though I still suggest learning about punctuations and stuff (I had to, and it really benefitted me).
Hope this helps a little, and I'm looking forward to seeing the next work.
