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A random truck-kun appears bearing gifts of isekai!

registered at: Sep 27, 2019

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aaa

Jul 28, 2021

Ok, so Eujin did laugh at her. Something about his character feels a little contradictory. Not sure if it's intentional.
He goes through a pretty long speech about how she should be like him, but his words make it should like he's trying his best to look out for her. He sounds a little much like the standard 'sensei that experienced too much shit himself and will break down and teach the successor how to avoid all that'.
I wonder if there could be a bit more grit and intimidation to really make it feel like Ven shouldn't follow in his (terrible, but self-ware) footsteps. That would really make it seem headstrong for Ven to ask him anyways.
As it is, I feel too much of the 'Eujin's got a good head so he'll make a good teacher' vibe.

A Whisper in Scarlet

Chapter:8

Jul 28, 2021

Is it strange of me to think that Eujin wouldn't be so good-natured to simply be surprised at her wanting to be a killer? I mean, she just lost everything she knew and there were obvious signs that she displayed that anger from it. As a killer, Eujin should be able to smell it on her.
I almost want to laugh at her foolishness in Eujin's shoes.

A Whisper in Scarlet

Chapter:7

Jul 28, 2021

I kind of wonder if it couldn't be more scary. If a dream started out with stuff on fire and the mother already a monster, my mind tends to tell itself that it's a dream, because of how immediate that distortion is from reality.
Whereas, a sense of horror from it feeling semi-real at first, only to morph into full blown craziness has always got my leaping out of bed. But maybe, that's just me.

A Whisper in Scarlet

Chapter:6

Jul 28, 2021

To:Clowniac

I had more of an Ace Attorney kind of hype here. The boxing comes later. 😛

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:5

Jul 28, 2021

To:Supersession

That beginning part before 'Welcome to the Afterlife' was just my tendency to describe what I'm visualizing, since he wakes up not really sure what happened to him. His death didn't really register until he is told.
I'll see what I can do with it when polish is needed.

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:2

Jul 26, 2021

To:Gurg

HOLD MY GEORGIE!!!

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:14

Jul 26, 2021

To:Gurg

MASSAGES FOR EVERYONE!!!

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:14

Jul 26, 2021

As for the big block of info at the beginning of the chapter, it does feel a little out of place that you chose that moment to do kind of a semi-interlude, as the background isn't tied to anything. It may be fine for webnovel readers who read little segments.
If you do want to integrate it naturally into your story though, you could perhaps weave it into the interactions between Dolly and Runo, while Netty is sleeping. Otherwise, you could make it shorter and more concise to limit the disruption, and transition that block to a conversation that Runo is presumably having with Dolly.

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:9

Jul 26, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

Because laughter is the cure all... especially when it comes with really your comments. 😂

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:14

Jul 26, 2021

To:Supersession

Ok, was just wondering. As it almost felt like a flag or foreshadowing, since that moment of self-awareness really changed the tone.

Why I Write

Chapter:5

Jul 26, 2021

To:Supersession

Your cock spaceship sentence. Also the couple of paragraphs near the end as Kiku goes to the bath.
Those were the ones I could find at a glance.

Why I Write

Chapter:4

Jul 26, 2021

As I was reading through this, the sudden lie Kohei made over the phone definitely caused the humorous tone to screech to a halt, with the tone instantly shifting to something more serious.
At this point, I'm expecting the memory loss issues to pop up. I wonder if that will be the case...

Why I Write

Chapter:5

Jul 26, 2021

The fake out was priceless. 😂

Also, be careful of your verb tenses. You're slipping from past to present sometimes.

Why I Write

Chapter:4

Jul 26, 2021

To:Deleted User

Just massaging Tomo, that's all.

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:14

Jul 26, 2021

To:JJtheMuse

Yes, this is a story I've been writing for almost 2 years. The stats won't be around that often. Claude is certainly salty about his shit build and doesn't want to see it. 😅

Atk 0 Crit All ~My attack stat is negligible, so I can't help but rely on critical hits to succeed!~

Chapter:1

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