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Slow

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I mainly love writing anime inspired stories. So I am really glad I found this platform
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registered at: Dec 01, 2024

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Sep 28, 2026

Feedback #7

Okay, I see where your feedback about the food is coming from, haha.

It was good to learn about a specific type of Udari snack. It really helped add to the culture and the world-building. It was also a nice subtle detail to learn that Yui used to work in this shop before. I thought it was a nice touch because it showed that she was still connected to her culture even then.

I also think the scene in the cemetery was done well. It added to Yui's compassionate nature, showing that she doesn't necessarily hate anyone. She treats both sides with kindness, even in death.

If there's anything I would point out, it's not much—just two things.

First, I think the narration could have made it a little clearer whether the shop owner knows Yui's identity. From the tone of the scene, it seems like she doesn't know that Yui is Udari. It would have been a nice addition to show a little more of Yui's feelings about that dynamic: she's Udari, the shop owner doesn't know her true identity, and yet the owner still likes and welcomes her.

The other thing is the cemetery scene. When Yui was first seen doing what she was doing, I wasn't completely sure what she was trying to accomplish until she explained to Crow that she was trying to soothe the souls of the dead. That's a really nice detail, and I think the scene would have been even clearer if the narration had subtly established what she was doing from the beginning.

These are just a couple of little things I wanted to point out.

Good job, and excellent work, Momo!

Flowers on the Battlefield

Chapter:7

Sep 28, 2026

To:Momo Stella

Deal!
Also no worries about not getting to the book during contest.
it is no problem at all.

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:6

Sep 28, 2026

To:Momo Stella

And this is why I wish I had your comments like two weeks before the contest closed, haha.

To be honest, I did mention that dragon eggs are her favorite dish, but I never really went into the mechanics of how she prepares them. If I had received your comment earlier, I would have quickly gone back to this chapter and dedicated at least a couple of paragraphs to explaining how she prepares and eats the dragon eggs.

I just kind of left that as a background detail. LOL.

Thanks for reading.

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:6

Sep 28, 2026

To:Momo Stella

Yes, Emilia is introduced as someone the reader doesn't really know much about yet, but we'll get to learn more about her as the story progresses.

For now, I wanted to introduce her as this mysterious person who immediately tries to kill our main character. That way, the reader knows right away that she's dangerous and potentially vengeful.

The fight was mainly there to establish their dynamic, their struggles, and the conflict they'll eventually have to deal with. I'm glad you enjoyed the other aspects as well, especially the questions surrounding Mary's powers and everything else.

And yes, I wanted to show with the story, no single side is completely pure. Everyone has their own problems, and everyone has both good and bad sides.

Thanks for reading!

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:5

Sep 28, 2026

To:Momo Stella

You brought up an interesting point about the telepathic communication. The way it works is that Gustav doesn't speak physically; he communicates directly through Mary's mind. Mary, however, still has to speak aloud for Gustav to hear her. So the communication isn't actually two-way telepathy. Mary can hear Gustav in her mind, but she can't communicate back to him that way. She has to speak to him directly.

I honestly wish I had received this comment before the deadline. I would have gone back and added a little more clarification about how their communication works. Haha.

I'm glad you enjoyed the rest of the chapter!

And I think the reason Leafy didn't send Mary on a combat quest is because she doesn't know her stats yet. As far as Leafy knows, Mary is just some commoner looking for simple work and household chores. Mary also doesn't exactly come across as some high-level adventurer covered in impressive gear. She simply walked in looking for work like any ordinary housemaid.

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:4

Sep 28, 2026

To:Momo Stella

Yes, I've loved speedsters ever since I was a kid, so I'm glad I was able to give Mary this type of ability.

I honestly don't know what a dragon egg tastes like, but maybe it's not too far from what a chicken egg tastes like. 😂

I try not to go over the top with the comedy, but I did aim to write it in a way where you can't help but chuckle or smile at Mary the more you read about her.

And thank you so much for the compliment about my writing. I really appreciate it!

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:3

Sep 28, 2026

To:Kitsune

A very big thank you once again for checking out my story, Kit. I really, really appreciate this, and I'm especially glad you found it entertaining and the characters likable.

It was so much fun reading you guys' comments every day while writing the story. All of that really helped give me the motivation I needed to finish the story on time.

Another big thank you again.

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:46

Sep 28, 2026

To:Kitsune

the power of family and friendship saves the day

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:44

Sep 27, 2026

Feedback #6

Okay, this chapter was pretty funny, especially with how, despite her adopted parents and servants cleaning up her room and leaving it spotless, somehow the moment Yui gets back, she immediately turns the entire place inside out and upside down once again. It really helps establish that this perpetual state of messiness as just part of Yui's normal living condition.

This chapter also helped me understand the situation with Crow and Yui much better. Crow is actually a human who took Yui in when she was probably very young, and her adopted parents are humans who accepted her for who she is. Meanwhile, the humans outside in the city don't know who she really is because of the wig she wears. That all works really well.

The only subtle thing I would point out is that, with characters in this kind of situation, the narration probably needs to occasionally remind us that they're living incognito. Not necessarily by repeatedly saying that Yui needs to hide who she is or explaining why, but through subtle details in her appearance, dialogue, mannerisms, or the way she interacts with people.

Those little reminders can help reinforce that she's an outsider living among humans and that only a small number of people truly know and accept her.

You already do some of this here, though, so it's not a major issue. In future stories, I'd just consider adding a little more of those subtle details whenever appropriate for these types of characters.

Anyway, this was another good one. Excellent job, Momo!

also, the MagiAmps is another cool world building detail. can't wait to see what it does.

Flowers on the Battlefield

Chapter:6

Sep 25, 2026

To:Momo Stella

sounds good.
I will go back and take a look.

Flowers on the Battlefield

Chapter:5

Sep 25, 2026

Feedback #5

This was a touching letter, written with so much passion. Again, to nobody's surprise, it had a lot of interesting world-building within it that helped us, the readers, understand the differences between these two people very well.

This was an interesting way to execute it, showing us the letter directly, and it works.

Just in case you're interested in a little bit of advice, you don't have to take it, but I just felt like sharing. In the future, if you want, you could have this type of delivery happen where we see the protagonist as she sits down to write the letter, along with all the emotions she is feeling and the way she writes it, without actually reading much of the letter itself. Then, we could read the full letter when the duke, or whoever it's being sent to, receives it, while also seeing their emotions and reactions to the message.

Those are other effective ways to deliver something like this as well.

But this was very good. Excellent job, Momo!

Flowers on the Battlefield

Chapter:5

Sep 25, 2026

Feedback #4

I think at this point I'll just continue to praise the world-building in every chapter, haha. But yeah, this chapter was also very good. The parts about the stones, the songs, and how they manage their society were all really interesting.

I honestly thought maybe the Yudari would be separated, with these people living in rundown areas or poorer cities because of the issues they have with the humans. But it looks like they're actually living quite comfortably, and that's good to see.

I do have a question, though. The part about the other song mage telling Yui that she isn't part of their culture is a bit confusing to me. There was also the part where Yui mentioned that Crow is part of their culture, while the three of them, including the elder, seem to have different interpretations of their beliefs.

Does that mean that even among the Yudari, there are different cultures within their society? That would make sense, but I just want to clarify because the narration almost makes it sound like there are different cultures even among the Yudari. am I understanding that correctly?

Other than that, this was a beautiful chapter. I loved the little tidbit about the wanted poster, and I can't wait to see Lullaby in action, doing the things that the poster is actually accusing her of doing.

Anyway, this was another fun one. Excellent job, Momo!

Flowers on the Battlefield

Chapter:4

Sep 24, 2026

To:Momo Stella

hey if I remember correctly, your MC also starts the story taking a shower haha
the both of us authors have that in common

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:2

Sep 24, 2026

To:Momo Stella

lol, you are right, I could have made it a lot shorter.
but what does your first line mean? I don't understand what you said there.

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:2

Sep 24, 2026

To:Momo Stella

yes, I debated on whether or not to bring the explanation of their telepathic communication this early, but I felt placing it in chapter 2 where it was a little part of the focus would be a lot better.
end yes, the way she shifts between her demon and human form, the explanation is also scattered throughout as the reader progresses.
thanks Momo

From Empress to Commoner: The Former Demon Queen's Quest for a Peaceful Life Begins with Becoming a Hero

Chapter:1

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