Sep 30, 2026
Feedback #9
You know what would have made an excellent prologue? You know what would have made a super intriguing and gripping opening to your story?
This.
This chapter was the thing that felt like it was missing from the beginning.
This chapter was so good. It is probably, if not my favorite chapter so far. It tells you so much. It shows you the conflict between the humans and the Udari. It shows you the most important person in the story, Yui, and her powers. It shows how a lone girl was able to stand against an entire army, not through overwhelming physical strength, but through the overwhelming power of her songs.
It shows the kind of destruction she can cause, but for a good reason, because she's trying to protect her people.
This chapter does a lot of heavy lifting, but it does so in a very interesting and intriguing way.
Honestly, regarding the prompt, I don't think this goes against it at all. The prompt asks for a powerful heroine, and this delivers exactly that.
I would have loved for this to be the opening to the story because it does so much heavy lifting and clarification, and I really like this opening. It introduces us to Yui, the world, the conflict, and what she's capable of. Then all the slice-of-life moments that come afterward could greatly support this and help us understand the world even better.
I don't have much to point out about the chapter itself. I don't think it's too dark, honestly. You don't explain or show anything excessively graphic. You don't show blood, and you don't describe any gory or horrific details. You simply show a young girl standing against a stubborn army because she's determined to protect her people.
That's what makes the chapter work so well for me.
Again, I wish this had been the opening. If this was what we got in the prologue, it would immediately introduce us to Yui, the world, and the central conflict.
Nothing much else to say about this chapter other than that I really enjoyed it. Probably my favorite chapter so far.
Excellent job, Momo!
