May 24, 2025
GIRL BOSS LESGO
I was a little confused about Hana's experience with Shorin tho. From the way it's written, it doesn't seem like she's played it before? It felt more like she's good at strategy games like chess, and we're supposed to assume those skills just transfer over. Which could work, but going up against someone like Mr. Yukari who comes across as a total pro it stretched my suspension of disbelief a bit.
I feel like describing the game as "it was intense" wasn't necessary, as you've already shown that.
The actual Shorin game was written well, but I kind of wish it had done more for character insight. Like, maybe Arata being surprised by Hana's skill, or something. Anything.
During Mr. Yukari's lore drop, I'd suggest breaking it up with a little banter, esp from Toma. It's hard to imagine him sitting through all that without throwing in at least one snarky comment.
Tokyo Subway Sarin Attack reference???
Bro really said peace out after a game of Shorin with kids. Another stretch of suspension of disbelief.
WELL, GANG, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT ANOTHER MYSTERY ON OUR HANDS
Gonna pause here for now. Got a story I need to focus on, and I could really use some sleep too 🫠 But seriously, if you ever want more feedback, feel free to hit me up :3
