Apr 02, 2025
Yoooo an AI? She's so sassy, it contrasts very nicely with R's serious personality 😆
I liked this chapter! The formatting is a lot better, but it would help to split up who's talking into different paragraphs, rather than lumping them all together. Kind of like how you did the script format in earlier chapters, but without the actual script tags. It's best to keep them separate, placing character action with what they're saying. Just makes it a lot more readable and easier to understand what's going on.
As an example, I'd put one of the lines you've got up there like this:
"How many are there?" R asks, sliding behind cover.
"More than fifteen," SHAID replies.
^ Just gives it a bit more room to breathe, and keeps it nice and snappy at the same time. To make it even smoother, you could even drop the "SHAID replies" bit, since it's extremely unlikely anyone else in the room is going to reply to his question.
This one was FUN, though. A lot of concepts stuffed into it, but I'm a crazy person who likes to claw my way up the wall of comprehension, and the little notes you made to clarify things like how Reaper functions were good. I hope we get a bit more to understand what exactly SHAID is, how she works, and why she was broken (Eventually. There's a lot of action going on in this chapter and taking too much time to explain would hurt the pacing), but now I get that she was the reason R was talking to himself lol.
Now they can be a kick-butt duo and take down this monstrosity! >:D
And I hope you're feeling better, man. Just been over it myself. It ain't fun to be sick 😔 Good to see you back on the bandwagon though! 👍
