Jan 18, 2026
Hello again 💛 Imma be honest too. Don't fret it, contest or not I feel like you can write a good, meaningful story with the chapters you got till now.
The story have potential to go in many different directions as you said. I couldn't help but ponder if Takumi and Ayaka's connection is real love or simply born from two people meeting each other at a low point. (But that's just me I love my romance messed up)
My point is you have the knack for writing a psychological atmosphere and you can totally leverage that unbounded by the prompt (again that's just me since I read couple SR stories and I don't want the three characters to suffer from public attack.)
And the single father choice was bold tbh. Even bolder that Hana liked Ayaka quickly, she wasn't afraid of someone taking her mothers place which happens a lot in stories and real life a like...Or is that a manifestation of her loneliness? You made me wonder and a good story makes the reader wonder.
And if you're willing to revise the current chapters allow me to point out some nitpicks:
In the first chapters Hana's emotional intelligence seemed to be too high for her age. I know It's due to her father's job but idk maybe elaborate on that point more even in a line or so ( children characters is tedious to write without making them either adults in kids suit or total brats but anyway I digress)
In the last chapter what Ayaka's manager/almost friend was quite realistic and I suppose Ayaka shouldn't be surprised or betrayed by that. It could be me messing something but I couldn't parse whether Ayaka's reaction was related to her mental struggles, the rose colored glasses of love or actually betrayed by how cruel the industry was (and would she, by this point that should be her expectation but Idk I definitely messed something)
Well that's a lot of words, sorry. But you took the time to tell me so I wanted to reply properly. Keep up the good work and come back to this story when you can!!
