TheGreatZombini / Comments

TheGreatZombini

0 Following

4 Followers

Writing is a skill, and I constantly want to improve. I am excited to hear your criticism and learn from it.

registered at: Apr 21, 2025

Roles

Author

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievement

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Comments

aaa

Aug 31, 2025

To:Mai

I’m glad you think so!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:6

Aug 31, 2025

To:Mai

I put a lot of thought into her, so I’m glad you like her!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:3

Aug 31, 2025

To:Mai

Oh he’s got a backbone; thank you for commenting and feel free to give me any criticism you have!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:2

Aug 25, 2025

To:Japanese🌹Rose

Thank you for your support and kind words. I’ve worked really hard on this story and I plan on making it as good as possible!
Feel free to drop any criticisms you have as well!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:3

Aug 25, 2025

To:Japanese🌹Rose

*laughs awkwardly*
Yeah!
Funny!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:2

Aug 25, 2025

To:Japanese🌹Rose

Glad you liked it!
(I couldn’t afford a truck driver for this story, so I had to go for the budget option :P)

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:1

Aug 24, 2025

I like your characterization of the specialist and of the dark elf (though a name for her would be nice, I suspect we’ll get it soon).
Bell coming in clutch is neat!
The crushing strength of Sora was impressive, though it kind of feels like it came out of nowhere?
Sora knowing about the emerald bear can be explained as Zephyra telling him about them.
I hope he doesn’t die ;)

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:16

Aug 24, 2025

To:Ramen-sensei

Well it’s a good thing you have this all figured out; however, if the information is pertinent to the story, you should make sure said information is communicated to the reader; otherwise, information that the character already knows seems like it came out of nowhere despite being a logical conclusion from a writer’s perspective.
You want to make the job of the reader easy, otherwise they might move on to another story that they can digest more easily!
This isn’t saying that you can’t handle or write about mature themes, but you need to make sure that the ideas and the characters opinions about those themes are communicated effectively and clearly.
Congratulations on being so open to criticism!
It’s clear that you care about this story and the characters in it a lot, and that care comes through in your dialogue, which has a lot of thought put into it.

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:15

Aug 24, 2025

Wait when did he learn about elf culture? You say that Zephyra told him about it but it seems like all she ever talked about was either inventing stuff or nothing at all because she was lounging about lazily.
Also the world building is starting to feel a little bit haphazard… like with jeeps and televisions I could understand, but it almost feels like Sora understands more than he should (also when did he have the time to read fantasy stuff? If it was during his normal life pre-being sold, then were they just mediocre books that he didn’t have passion for; and if it was with Zephyra wouldn’t the books be classified as non-fiction?)
If I’m being too hard on you please tell me.
I do like the character interaction with the dark elf though. I appreciate how polite Sora is to her and the way he’s kind of smitten with her.
The puppy is cool too; Bell is a neat name for such a ring-a-ding doggy.

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:15

Aug 24, 2025

I mean… personally, death leading to nothing is… well it’s not what I believe but for Sora it is a motivation!
And the character development is handled well; I like how you built it up over the previous chapters.
Something that bothers me is that it seems like you keep shaking up the formula every couple chapters, which is fine as long as you don’t lose Sora’s motivation in the shuffle.
I do like this chapter though; the slap was funny and felt earned, though maybe another chapter of buildup would be good (idk I tend to drag things out sometimes).

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:14

Aug 23, 2025

You change tenses mid-sentence a lot in this chapter dude!
It made it a little confusing to read.
Story and plot wise: I like it, and Zephyra's already proven herself to be fun to read about.
But from a technical standpoint, there's polishing that needs to be done; I'm only saying this because I want this story to be as good as possible.

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:10

Aug 21, 2025

To:RedPen

I hope you enjoy the rest of the book! I’ve worked really hard on it.

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:3

Aug 20, 2025

To quote the pinnacle of writing (Minecraft: Story Mode):
“Coolio.”
I’ll have to read more later.
Thank you for the engaging story; I hope this ends beautifully.

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:9

Aug 20, 2025

*Jeopardy buzzer noise*
…
I hate it when I’m right sometimes.
That’s the problem with people though; death.
If only there was a way to have someone who would never die as a friend; someone who would listen when you talked and give you comfort when there was none.
I hope Sora finds someone like that.
Otherwise he might experience what C.S. Lewis called the death of the heart (it’s a lovely quote from him talking about how to never break your heart again).

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:8

Aug 20, 2025

If Zeno doesn’t die, I’ll question everything I know about writing.
Also, while I understand that Sora’s life wasn’t anything special and that he says it felt hollow, life is life.
And it’s always a gift, even the parts that stink.
And even the parts that no one remembers or cares about; because really…
Everything matters.
Good show so far; let’s see how it continues.

The Heracle's Diary - My Story in Another World

Chapter:6

TheGreatZombini

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Reviews

aaa