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TheGreatZombini

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Writing is a skill, and I constantly want to improve. I am excited to hear your criticism and learn from it.

registered at: Apr 21, 2025

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Oct 26, 2025

To:Anna Voig M.

I’m pretty sure I did type that; I’ll make sure to clarify that in my next novel, darn it

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:15

Oct 26, 2025

To:Zack Wilson

Thank you for your thoughts and succinct comments! I’m glad you found the final ‘fight’ cool! Happy trails with what you read next, and as Shinko would say,
“God bless!”

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:52

Oct 25, 2025

Uhhh...
I kind of thought Kaya was a little more stable than that...
(man this whole group really IS bad for your mental health)

An Original Sin

Chapter:11

Oct 25, 2025

To:Zack Wilson

You, my good man, are catching on!

The Great Priest is an Atheist?!

Chapter:28

Oct 25, 2025

Mah goodness.

The most mentally stable person in this book has been the nurse Nell first met.
and Dominic, but he's obviously got... some issues (looks at terrorist group).

An Original Sin

Chapter:10

Oct 25, 2025

"The wolf was female."
pfft
Also, Nell, remember what I said about terrorist groups being bad for your mental health?
Yeah that also applies to physical health.

An Original Sin

Chapter:9

Oct 25, 2025

To:hanayome

My writing teacher asked me the same thing about something I wrote, but he didn't tell me to 'Say it again,'
He told me that I just needed to make sure the information was stated clearly and displayed prominently if it was important.
The story is confusing sometimes, and so I'm not always sure what's important and what isn't.
I could have also just missed it, so don't fret too much!

An Original Sin

Chapter:7

Oct 25, 2025

Nell, you really shouldn't hang out with terrorist groups.
It's bad for your mental health in the long term.

An Original Sin

Chapter:8

Oct 25, 2025

I thought... I thought Ame's mom died when his dad hit her in the head with a chair?

An Original Sin

Chapter:7

Oct 25, 2025

hey Nell.

Don't go pokin' around in people's brains
they don't tend to like that :\

An Original Sin

Chapter:6

Oct 25, 2025

this is not tom sawyer

An Original Sin

Chapter:5

Oct 25, 2025

Heh, I know what this is reminding me of!
Tom Sawyer!
It's watching kids bumble, mess around, and dream big for themselves without knowing the first thing of what they should be doing.
Except this one has a lot more existential dread.

An Original Sin

Chapter:4

Oct 25, 2025

Of course the first person Nell meets is a self-absorbed egomaniac; that's definitely going to be good for his personal development (it won't).
I think Ame cares only for himself, and no one else, and since he's the 'Big Shot' then he's perfect and everyone else is expendable. Life should cater to Ame and Ame is ready to do whatever it takes to make life realize that fact.
Am I right or wrong?

An Original Sin

Chapter:3

Oct 25, 2025

Define 'sin' in this world; I mean, Chapter 0 makes it seem like the sins will be the same ones most people generally know about, but then there's the god of time, and if she exists, is she an actual god or merely an extremely powerful being?
There's a difference, and I want to know what it is!
Let's see where this story goes. >:)

An Original Sin

Chapter:2

Oct 25, 2025

Bro's like:
"Humans judge things based off perceived value." Then he proceeds to judge humans based off their perceived value and dislike them.
"Humans crave purpose." Then he forms his own purpose of survival and comfort.
He's already too human!

An Original Sin

Chapter:1

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