Nov 03, 2024
Ngl, I kinda fail to see how this is a 'high-tech futuristic world'. Apart from your achronological macguffin, it feels like your characters are living in the present day? There's a distinct lack of 'Future' in this 'Harmonic Future'.
That aside, I'm kind of not feeling any attachment towards Ren. He feels like a bit of a paperweight character; I can't get a feeling on who he is as a person, or what his goal is beyond a very vague 'I want to do better'. That, combined with the breakneck pace of the writing make this story feel a bit shallow; it leaves little to no impression.
That being said, I do enjoy the banter quite a fair bit. It's natural and quirky, and the humour lands more often than not. For what it's worth, I did blitz through this, so the story is not only readable, but also quite lightweight, which I assume is more or less the point here.
Solid effort, all in all. Best of luck in the contest.
Bubbles~
