Sep 07, 2024
Do we need this explanation of Mai to come
a) here
b) this late
c) at all?
First of all, reasoning through the whole shtick from thesis statement to arguments to conclusion is kind of long enough as it is. If anything, we should've had the thesis statement summarily presented to us throughout the chapters; that Amai was generally slothful and disinterested. I say presented to mean 'show', having it be told to us is reasonably flat on its own.
Second of all, her reasoning is pretty much stating the obvious? If anything, that whole section only seems to exist in order to paper over the lack of prior character establishment. It plays out as a recontextualisation, even as it contains the contextualisation.
Third and last, must we really be reminded of Saki's concern here? The conclusion of all of this seems to be that Saki believes Mai's obsessed - isn't that the whole point of the opener? Furthermore, hasn't this concern been reiterated, at no little expense for words, quite often now?
As for the ending of this chapter, the whole amiss bit. It feels out of left field, really. What is the indication here? That she twitched a little when called out on her secret? Hardly relevant to this bit. And the solution is pretty easy: just add a tonal signifier to Shiko's last sentence.
[Shiko's line]
"Her proposal made all three of my companions abuzz for the day. But the short, decisive, yet almost thoughtless manner in which it was delivered left me with the unshakeable sensation that something was amiss."
Quick LNesque prose and all that, but it makes the point clearer, I feel.
