Nov 02, 2024
Hey, this is a pretty cool concept. In a vacuum, I like the idea of wanting to rewrite history, if for no other reason than to right preventable wrongs. Simplified enough for the LN mind to understand (i.e. surely, if we just send one small telegram to 1914, we can butterfly effect ourselves out of WWI), it can definitely lend itself to not one, but multiple alternate histories (pretend there's an eye emoji here, they took them away...)
One note I'd have to make is that while this is in medias res, I feel like it's *too* in medias res. We have very little grounding for the characters bar this main event, which acts as both introduction and inciting incident. That makes me feel a little disconnected from what's going on. The quick succession of events doesn't help too much with that impression either; it only compounds with the fact that I understand why what the characters are doing *should* be done, but I can't say why *the characters* should be the ones to do it. I know the motivation, just not their motivation, if that makes sense.
