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Bubbles

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I'm Bubbles.

Currently on hiatus.

registered at: Aug 13, 2020

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aaa

Mar 16, 2025

With all these perspective swaps, it feels like you might as well have chosen third omni :D

Black & White: Spirits, Love, and Traditions

Chapter:3

Mar 16, 2025

Tbh, this feels like a lot of cinematic writing that doesn't use filmic language. It's less about *writing* the scenes out, but rather attempting to recreate visual images and cinematography by using scene breaks and such. And it doesn't work all that well for me, if I'm honest. It feels too forced.

Black & White: Spirits, Love, and Traditions

Chapter:2

Mar 16, 2025

Discord,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Black & White: Spirits, Love, and Traditions

Chapter:1

Mar 14, 2025

First. May there be more to come.

My New Boss is the Grim Reaper?!

Chapter:1

Mar 13, 2025

One note I'd have about this story is that the prose feels a little too sanitised and simplistic. With something as zany as this concept, I would've expected a lot more of that to be reflected in the writing, but the brunt of it feels like it's derived from what's actually happening. They're cool and fun events on their own, don't get me wrong, the ex-wife bit, the whole little shit being a lovely menace shenanigans, everyone being surprisingly laissez-faire about the impending apocalypse. But the connective tissue doesn't do too much to complement this. I feel like you could maybe take a page from another author from the website, lolitroy. Her style, as all over the place as it might be, has the humour *embedded* into the writing rather than *presented* by the writing. And I feel like her approach might help elevate your story a lot more.

Similarly, one note to make about Ryuka is that she feels a little too passive a character. She has dreams, ambitions and some amount of personality, but they rarely come across in ways other than her dialogue. Pairing with the prose comment above, this feels like a bit of a waste of first person, especially when most of her thoughts surround the relating of what's going on around her. She barely introspects and when she does, it feels very summary and matter-of-fact, almost impersonal. And that just doesn't sit well in a story that, as far as the genre and concept announce it to be, feels like a character-driven piece.

I Prolonged the World’s Demise by Babysitting a Kaiju

Chapter:3

Mar 13, 2025

This reminds me of our dynamic, but also of how I imagine everyone who Jeff the Shark fights feels about Jeff the Shark. Which is fitting because Jeff the Shark is a cute version of you, who smells.

I Prolonged the World’s Demise by Babysitting a Kaiju

Chapter:2

Mar 13, 2025

Little Shit be little shitting.

I Prolonged the World’s Demise by Babysitting a Kaiju

Chapter:1

Mar 13, 2025

Ooooooo, a mystery plot. I love this. I love this a lot more than I liked your Sci-Fi contest entry, which I also enjoyed a fair amount. I think the atmosphere of fantasy better suits your writing style and you also seem to be having more fun with the story as a whole. Sisterhood drama is very darling to read, and I can only imagine it's darling to conceive as well.

I like the concept as well, it reminds me of this book I read a while back, where 6 different factions gathered every year to elect one to lead them all, whilst they all secretly hated and discriminated against one another. The idea of unity as a contingency is interesting, inasmuch as these tethers are bound to break when there's no real reason for them to exist anymore. And I can't wait to see some Flier on Mender violence, little dragon dudes nuke them healers woo!

Very delicious concept, Caity. Like react.

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:2

Mar 13, 2025

As a bit of perhaps harsher feedback than intended, but what is the purpose of this chapter exactly? We kind of turn the dial back a bit and then reach the same conclusion as the prologue. I can appreciate this provides us with perspective into Isolde and Olga's personalities, but I feel like we could've seen this from a later time, that is perhaps once an announcement is made or once they are told by someone who already knew, rather than found out themselves.

As for the perspective swaps, they're all right. Just thought I'd assuage any doubts.

Mwaque~

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:1

Mar 13, 2025

I love this my little chubby chickadee keep it up

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:0

Mar 13, 2025

Sniffing this

I Prolonged the World’s Demise by Babysitting a Kaiju

Chapter:1

Mar 12, 2025

Amazing. No notes. I'm about to go bananas.

Space Cowboy Robot Love (SCRL)

Chapter:3

Mar 12, 2025

I feel like the dialogue in this chapter is off in so many ways that I struggle to tell if it's intentional or not. Ryujin and Yunaria seem to talk in these lengthy paragraphs, him spreading out a lot of ideas, to which she then responds point by point. It has an unnatural feeling that I can't say gels well with the 'lost in translation' vibe I'm assuming you're trying to strike. All in all, I wonder if it wouldn't help to ground the story a little more before doubling down on the absurdist comedy. It'll work better, in my opinion, if we know the 'rules' of the story, Yunaria's interactions, and so on, rather than just barrel through the story without explaining too much.

Space Cowboy Robot Love (SCRL)

Chapter:2

Mar 12, 2025

This was... a read and a half. I feel like a lot of this is fluff, which frankly isn't all that bad. It mirrors the LNs I read to a T, so I can appreciate that it's got that going for it. Nevertheless this chapter, rushed as it feels pacing-wise, struggles a little with details. I feel like the prose is pulling at the plot in all directions, and there isn't exactly a focus on anything. The film, at least the way it's presented, feels like a rugpull and the ending comes absolutely out of nowhere. I can appreciate the foreshadowing from the title and the film itself, but I think it's 1.3k words of fodder then 200 words of robot wants my musk. It's a little difficult to stay engaged.

Space Cowboy Robot Love (SCRL)

Chapter:1

Mar 12, 2025

Okay 'tis my stopping point. One comment I would like to reiterate is the pacing. It's too fast, too brisk, and it makes it difficult for me to stay engaged with the narrative; not too mention the amount of characters that flash in front of our eyes (just this chapter alone has Tina, Jogi, Daddy and Bosen).

Another thing you might want to address is the dialogue. It's very overtagged, and you're formatting it in such a way that makes me continuously need to double-check who's saying what. I would suggest that you bunch together the line with the movement the character says. If someone says something and another character reacts to that, the reaction should precede (or succeed) their dialogue on the same line. You should also be mindful not to overtag; the scene where Hoshina gets closer to Tina has a lot of unnecessary scenic movements that feel like they belong in the description of animation keyframes rather than the filmic language of a novel.

As for positives, this chapter offers us an interesting glimpse in Hoshina's life as a bit of an oddball as far as the four great families are concerned. Despite her status, she seems overly concerned with appearances, which is a nice touch to expand on her anxiety; it reasons that someone that doesn't fit in is worried about how others perceive them. As for Jogi, her and Hoshina's dynamic is also interesting, in that you can feel the sororal bond between them, yet also those echoes of sibling nastiness. That's a pretty nice way of capturing it; I should imagine you have siblings yourself.

Well, that's all I had promised to read, so I shall bow out now. Good luck in the contest, and I'll catch you later.

Bubbles, out.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:3

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