Aug 26, 2023
There is a plethora of things to unpack here. I am convinced you already know them, which will save me time.
I can absolutely feel that you are rushing. You have written better works for the past two contest that, even if they were left unfinished, felt polished. Here I feel suffocated. It is not because of the events, the dialogues or the pacing. All of these things already feel very "you".
However.
Besides the love behind your craft, this sensation of doom, anxiety and rush manage to reach, at least, me.
I can see that you are restraining yourself as well, which makes the novel flop during certain key moments in order to keep the momemtum (i.e the exchange between the angel and the overlord). Basing this off previous works of yours, this could have been fleshed out more to give it substance, but instead fell flat.
I think that you should try to go back to your roots. This novel can be better, and I am sure you will come back to polish the rough edges.
That's all for now.
