Aug 12, 2021
I saw the praise your entry was given on the Honeyfeed discord so I decided to give it a go, especially because its an isekai. So far, I like what is written. So our MC switched bodies with someone who got isekai'd into this world and is older than him. Misunderstandings, a cut toe (ouch!), and a love interest who felt like her feelings were not being returned. Not the best or easiest circumstances, but we'll see how he deals with this.
Some criticism to mention is that the dialogue could use improvement. I'll show you one part that I thought about, feel free to use the suggestion: "If this bothers you, then tell me! I-If I'm bringing you down, then say it to my face! I waited, and waited so long - fooling myself into accepting this 'slow life' idea of yours in the middle of nowhere - that maybe, just maybe, you'll repsond to my feelings."
When it comes to dialogue, its best to keep repetition of words to a minimum. And yes, people can be wordy. But I think with this case where she is yelling, it would sound better the way I have it here. My other nitpic is that some of your sentences could be combined into paragraphs. They don't have to be always seperated into individual sentences but I totally understand if this was a stylistic decision on your part.
Anyways, will be back to read the next chapter. Good job and I wish you good luck in the contest! :)
