Oct 05, 2023
If I'm being brutally honest, the overall grammar makes it difficult to be worth reading. Or even worth continue reading. I do think the story is interesting, but there's a lot of improvement you could do to make it more "eye-candy" for the readers. Right now, your writing feels kindergarten and rubbish to be read. None of your writing flows naturally.
That aside, I will say that the opening is decent for this chapter. No clue how it connects to the main character, Celes, reading from the synopsis, but if this is the prologue, that's completely understandable.
You decently established this mystery behind this man with red eyes. Surprisingly, it left me wondering if he plays a big role as the good guy or bad guy.
