May 12, 2025
I don't know what I said in my previous comment to your booka since it seems you removed it, so I hope I'm not retreading too much of the same ground (I don't think I am)?
Think this book has a lot of good like..."moments," idk what the right word is for them. I think the scene with the three maids (?) and the scene with Fred were highlights personally, but there were others too, like the misspelled signs and the scene in the hot springs where Reem/Sionn are naked. The scene with the firings too, I think your experience with work bled into this book a lot in a good way. I think your ability to just write these kind of moments props up the book as a whole.
That being said, I'm not gonna lie, I actually liked the side characters in most of these brief highlighted passages more than the main characters. I think there's something about the way you write them that brings them more to life in what short period they exist than the longer/stylized concentration on the characters. I think part of it has to do with the way you choose to densify (?) your novel. The information / jokes / references are highly concentrated. You have a handful of bits that you enjoy and you really refine the concept as you write.
I think that's a strength in some ways but it really magnifies when you write throwaway lines that don't really advance the humor or the characters (moreso the latter than the former). The one I can think of off the top of my head is the scene in either the first or second chapter where Reem (via the third person perspective) makes some off handed comment about someone's comment is why terrorism happens. This line bugged me so much that I basically didn't get over it for another two or three chapters. The humor doesn't really do it for me, I don't really see how it advances Reem's character in any meaningful way, and I think it's magnified by the more fruitful details that you put into your recurring jokes and world.
Uhhh, I guess this is all another way to say that I think a lot of the characterization of Reem, and some of the other characters, feels lacking because there's so many throwaway lines that I attribute more to you as a writer than to the actual characters themselves. There's no coherency around the terrorism line. It just seems like something you'd say in Discord as opposed to a thought that the characters would actually have themselves. I know often times the lines between those can be blurred, but in this particular case it's too out of left field (and not mentioned or referenced again afaik) to meaningfully make me think that the character is in any way associated with the thought, if that makes sense.
I've been reading some Terry Pratchett recently, specifically Going Postal, because it felt like something I might reference for something I'm going to write in the future. I can certainly see why you idolize him so much. I'm not sure how much of your writing you pull from him, but there is a particular attempt at wit and characters behaving in that aloof, perpendicular to social norm sort of way, but Pratchett always managed to write those in such a way that they became his characters, not the other way around.
I know this is all based on one line about terrorism, but anyway.
I think my point is that with how rushed things got by the end, I think you actually had plenty of density and words to execute on the concept perfectly, but I think the untenable pacing is a result of you not giving enough meaningful words to the characters and worlds themselves. You're a great humorist, and these bits per chapter are excellent, but the story always seemed like it was on the precipice of a breakthrough with the characters, and it just never got there for me.
To land on a positive note, your prose is markedly better than your last book. I'm not sure if you think that, but at least that's what I think. Both your dialogue and atmospheric writing are a step above. You should be proud of what you wrote regardless of any criticism I've written.
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