Jun 06, 2022
I understand what people say when they say things are overwritten, but I personally feel like if there's a genre that really allows you to be a bit more loquacious, it's cyberpunk, where vibes/atmosphere are more important than the hard science of it.
That being said, I do think there are some prose passages that could probably be trimmed or cut because you end up saying some of the same things twice. I think the landscape and depictions of the city are quite well written, but you sometimes echo them maybe two or three times within the span of a page, and I think that's when you start to lose my attention.
One final thing I'll comment on is the description of the city that ends with "dark Cirsium steel." I don't think there's much wrong with it, but you end up using a lot of the same paragraph structures when describing portions of the city. Simple sentence followed by long flowing string of dependent clauses. It's a good way to describe things, but I also think you rely on it a fair bit.
