Jun 08, 2022
To:Literal Grill
Sure, if it doesn't bother you that much. I think the paragraph that starts with something like "Tentacles forcefully" is an example of what I'd personally change. I don't want to get too technical because I don't want to sound like some guidebook on how to write, but your paragraph uses four adverbs, two of which are kind of repetitive (dexterously snaking + expertly avoid essentially tell me the exact same things about Al's tentacles) and a bit contradictory (I don't get the impression that forceful tentacles are dexterous or expertly handled).
I think had you just said something like "Tentacles extended toward my body, snaked around my left, etc" I would've interpreted the tentacles as having dexterity because that's kind of how I imagine snakes to be.
Anyway, sorry if that seems nitpicky, but I figured I'd give you a pretty complete answer since you seemed receptive to it. Also, I always tell other people this, but this is just how I see things. I don't profess to be any better at the stuff I advise others on. ^^
