Jul 13, 2021
Fun premise, and I enjoyed the way the narrator is talking to a camera, as if he's not just living in a world that behaves along Shojo Drama rules, but is also being actively filmed.
Oh, I spotted a minor consistency issue: the material of the juice-container changed. It's introduced as a "carton", which suggests one of those little paper juice boxes you jab the straw into. After that, it's referred to as a "can" and makes a metallic "clank" on hitting the floor, so probably aluminum or steel. Then it's back to being a "juice box" in Kazehi's internal thoughts comparing the lethality to falling on the floor.
Fixing this would be a few very minor edits, and it whether Kazehi throws a paper juice box or a aluminum can says a lot about him as a character. If he threw a can, he was willing to inflict a little pain (even an empty can will sting if it hits you in the right place), but if it was a juice box then the object's harmlessness amplifies Akari & Daiki's overreaction.
That minor detail-work aside, this is a really solid start to a story, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes next.
