IceDonut

IceDonut

25 | him/his | European

Writing since 2016 to find the fine line between the bittersweet beauty of sorrow and the feeling of deep human connection, creating worlds that provide shelter from reality, but also embrace its way of being.
I occasionally write comments/critiques that could be short stories on their own, so sorry for all the flooded comment sections 😅
Read into my current novel "Celluloid", if you are interested!

registered at: Sep 08, 2021
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2022
    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023









    Jul 06, 2023

    Wait ... if we assume that the Jun from our world is now in Farelle ... and in our world he is currently represented by a (rather clumsy) familiar from Madame Claire ... what is about the Jun originally from Farelle? I mean Amamiya has Mia, so Jun has to have a ... Ju? 🤔
    Is this Ju just a real elf and chilling at the forest they are supposed to never leave? Or I think it was teased on a little earlier, since the people are not complete mirrors of their versions from a parallel universe: Did this Ju maybe even die before the events of this story? 🤯
    And how is this supposed to go on, if we assume that Jun manages to get together with Mia? I mean he only looks like an elf because of Madame Claire's magic and only because he has a stand in on earth currently (even though this could be solved through letting Jun "die" in his world). I doubt Madame Claire can keep her magic upright for the rest of his life ... I somehow have a gut feeling that all this setup is not made to last for that long and it will be a topic that still needs to be addressed somehow.

    But Madame Claire being so secretive about her true intentions seems rather suspicious. And Jun is right: She is madly strong. Jumping between parallel universes is probably not that common ... so she definitely had to have a really good teacher or a good heritage. I'm not feeling ready for a full take on a theory yet, but my gut feeling points stronger and stronger into a specific direction.

    I really didn't expect to receive such fruitful material to theorize about with this story, but I really like that! You're really good with exposing just enough of the gears behind the story to make it not too obvious!
    (But I already feel bad for writing so much. Maybe I should keep my comments a bit shorter 😅)

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    1
    Love Sorceress Cover Art (Purple Edition!)
    With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!
    Chapter:4

    Jul 06, 2023

    Ahhh, I think many people could sometimes need a Madame Claire 😂
    Maybe ... I should deactivate the AdBlocker and see what kind of advertisements stick out the most 🤔😂

    But when she said that Jun's stars are challenging, I somehow remembered back at a plot idea I once had (it's probably still written in the depths of my idea notepad). It actually had a quite similar setup to this story: Some guy has a huge crush on a girl but it doesn't work out. Searching out the help of a strong witch, he needs to collect some rare materials for I don't know ... a love potion or whatever (just an idea, as I said 😅). During the process however he notices, that he never really was in love with the girl, but more with the idea of her. Upon realizing this, he then notices, that he really enjoys the company of the witch and somehow they fall in love with each other - but then for real.
    I know the third chapter is quite early for conclusions and theories about possible outcomes, but I would consider it an option at least ... 🤔 I mean the way Madame Claire is described (and depicted on the cover) is still a beautiful young woman who seems really nice and to be around Jun's age. Her mentioning that Jun's and Amamiya's/Mia's stars are really challenging could already foreshadow that their relationship is rather ill-fated and maybe they don't really match.
    But ... that would not really explain why she would be helping Jun. If she would be doing this for herself, yes. But she actively helps him getting closer to Mia (or at least it currently seems like that ... maybe she knows that it won't work out?).
    Other alternative would be that she is a demon that gets his soul if he fails a second time (or anything in that lines - even though I would say her character design and demeanor suggest the opposite ... which could of course be a red herring, who knows) ...

    It keeps getting more and more interesting 😁

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    1
    Love Sorceress Cover Art (Purple Edition!)
    With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!
    Chapter:3



    Jul 06, 2023

    Finally, I found the time to read into your story, and I must say, I really like it already! The way Jun just completely misses the point, even though his ex-girlfriend actually TELLS him, why she broke up with him seems just so real. He even blames superficial things like not having been rich or good-looking enough ... I think that the way he is conceptualized opens up maaaany opportunities for character development. That is not saying, she couldn't have done things different/better ... I somehow get the vibe that she bottled up being annoyed by not being listened to (and maybe even that she hoped for feelings to come up but they didn't?). Maybe talking about her problems earlier would have spared both of them a hard time + perhaps saved their relationship 😅
    Madame Claire on the other end seems like a really nice Lady at first sight, but I don't know ... her powers and laughing at the end and her mysterious demeanor has some vibes from a deal with the devil. Like when Jun said that he would do anything, it even had a "be careful what you wish for"-vibe as well. I'm not quite sure, though ... maybe we receive further "contract details" in the upcoming chapter, but there has to be some catch. Like she probably does not help complete strangers out of the goodness of her heart - there needs to be something for her in the equation as well 🤔

    Really a strong start so far! I'm already very curious about how you'll approach this. Definitely a unique idea and funny, as well as relatable and with REAL undertones. I really like the vibe and am curious what awaits me here! 😊

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    1
    Love Sorceress Cover Art (Purple Edition!)
    With a Love Sorceress I'll Make My Romance Last!
    Chapter:1