Jul 25, 2022
I feel honored for receiving a special thanks! Thank you very much! ๐
Also thank you very much for this awesome story! Reading the new chapters always was like taking a deep dive into the feeling of a japansese summer for me that only the "someday in that summer" music videos from *Luna could cause in me before. It was awesome, reading on with this romantic adventure of the azure oceans, the bright shining sand and friends that last a lifetime.
The "biggest" point of critique (and the biggest is not written in quotation marks out of spite) would be that I could sometimes still recognize your handwriting. As I said already with my last very big comments, the last "dip" before the grand finale was "just there" to leverage a bit drama that would not have been absolutely necessary. But you embedded the whole thing into the story early on, so i would not say that it is a foreign body. It just wouldn't have been necessary.
Overall the structure was very classical for a SoL RomCom. Sometimes you made a few too many paragraphs. For my taste you could have grouped some of them together very nicely. The explanations of the japanese words (yukata/Umi/...) interrupted the reading flow a bit. I'd rather recommend you to provide a glossary chapter at the begining or end or just let it stand there. Afterall we are at a web novel platform for light novels. People alredy know those things or they certainly kno how to google them.
Also the switching between views was a bit disorienting at times. I know that quite a few authors do that these days, but in my eyes it is rather lazy writing. If you want to show different perspectives, then by all means why not use the third person narrator? I know from first hand experience that it is harder to handle, but capable to create results as intimate as a first person narrator if done right (movies for example are narrated in third person as well and work just as well). So don't be lazy in this point the next time and try it! ๐
And overall: try more stuff out! This already was a very solid and classical story of a very high technical quality. Build further upon that and be brave. Try new things out. I'm already thrilled and waiting for your next big thing! ๐
And regarding the contest: You'll definitely get my vote! ๐
It has been a great honor to me. See you soon! โค๏ธ
