Momentie / Comments

Momentie

Hi there,
This is the former home of my fiction - Unfortunately from drama, to a lack of innovation - To bugs that made the site unusable to me - My books are no longer being hosted here on here.

This in mind I'm leaving this note here to let people with an interest know you can find all my works in updated versions over on RoyalRoad & ScribbleHub - With plans for other releases yet to come.

For more info you can check out the final chapters of either 'UnderCurrent' or 'The Girl He Used to Know' - Which both depict my odd journey with this website😅.
HoneyFeed had its merits, it got me some feedback & I made some good friends here - But it is in effect the training wheels of web-noveling sites - If you are even slightly serious about your art or simply want a website that will teach you proper formatting & has an actual userbase - Then do yourself a favour, take off the training wheels & seek out the website that is right for you😊.

Best Regards,
-Momentie

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

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Oct 31, 2021

To:Workaholic

Sure thing, when I get the chance I'll try read through a bit more and see if I can give you a more detailed critic😊👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:5

Oct 31, 2021

To:Workaholic

No worries😊👍.

In my experience the best way to improve something (other then more traditional study and experience) is just lots of reading.

For example I'm writing sci-fi so I've made a point to try and gear my reading towards that with western books like 'Dune' and actions heavy ligth novels like 'Re:zero' and anime like gundam, Yamato or Macross etc.

It's a little complex to explain but with combat the key as I understand it is to explain enough that the audience does the rest without realising. Sort of like how our eyes automatically fill in the gaps of hand drawn cartoons.

Ergo the better our understanding of the characters and the stronger our mental image of them is, then the more effective the action will come across.

With your chapter the issue isn't major, I can image what a chimera migth look like and the beast-man as well, rather you descriptions are somewhat too linear.

When the two raiders are trying to hold off the chimera in order for the others to combine, you could communicate alot by actually being more vague, i.e;

"'Shinra and Juice countinued to trade blows with the gastly beast, The flamed cloaked young man being effortlessly parried time and again by the Chimera's intimidating apadages - All the while Mana watched as 'Jueice' laboured, circling the monster while losing bullets from his pistol, trying to land them home against the Chimera's pre-hit points".

Well I'm not expert so that's no perfect examples but hopefully it gets across what I mean😊👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:4

Oct 31, 2021

I knew that fusing with the arm sounded painful😂!
Also Colton is surprisingly good at comic relief🤣.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:18

Oct 31, 2021

Once again interesting stuff and I won't bagger you with anymore comments about the somewhat rough pacing as you've already said you plan to change things a bit.

One thing I did notice a bit this time is that the thoughts of our Protag and her actions sort of differ.
Now maybe that's intentional but her narration comes across as a little uninvolved, you describe her crying and bowing down to the robot medic but internally she sounds almost manipulative, like the tears are just a façade to win over the medic. I guess I'm saying that during none dialogue sections she seems completely calm but as far as I can tell she's narrating in Media-res ergo I would think she should sound more scattered or panicked on the inside as well as the outside.

Now if that's on-purpose my apologies but it was just something that caught my attention.

Other then that keep up the great work, good luck!

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:5

Oct 30, 2021

To:Vnator

Glad to be of any help that I can.

I'm also pretty guilty of writing long chapters which isn't in itself a bad thing, it's just to do with the nature of web novels, when someone sees a long chapter it naturally puts them off if they haven't already been hooked/invested.

I myself recently changed my novel prologue to be much shorter and more causal and my views have doubled so it seems to be a necessary evil😂👍.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:1

Oct 30, 2021

I'm liking the realistic angle, it's something I've tried to weave into my own mecha story in small dozes.

Having mention of actual therapy plus the stringent security measures at the portal gate and further the use of weapons the locals can understand is all really nice and practical worldbuilding. Fun stuff😀😊.

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:3

Oct 30, 2021

Really interesting opening, im actually kind of surprized no one's thougth of this before, it's such a clever idea and riff for world-building possibilities on a litterally galactic scale.

If I were to complain, this introduction is too long and thrust me when I say I have the same habit of writing very long chapters😅😅.
I would suggest the length of it turns alot of people away(hence why your view count drops so dramatically between chapter 1 and 2).

Don't get me wrong it's a great chapter but I think you could cut it down, while Reggie's backstory is good for his characterisation as a typical isekai king, it also causes alot of padding, the story about wall papers on its own would probably get the point across.

I'd also avoid to much explaination of magic in chapter one, instead easy people in with just the bare details and then give out the details over time, or atleast that would be my take.

Looking forward to reading more!👍👍

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:1

Oct 29, 2021

To:Ochroleucous

Well if it did maybe thats part of why I'm enjoying it as I've got a real soft spot for that goffy little anime.
I can definitely think of worse inspirations😁😊👍.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:14

Oct 29, 2021

Interesting developments and I like the use of a combat scene as a way to introduce different magics.

If I were to give advice I'd suggest trying to vary your descriptions a-little in simple ways, like not using the word 'kick' so often.

During an elongated battle scene like this word variety becomes eassiential to giving a piece a sense of impact.

Hope that helps a small amount😊👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:4

Oct 29, 2021

The combat style you've got is wonderful, using something like a coliseum that we are all familiar with for your first battle makes it easy to picture the figth, add to that the chimera like beast and the distinct guantlet description and this really creates an image!.

Also I knew that little note about the floors being thin and metallic a few chapter ago would come up again, but then you went and used that as a red herring distraction to keep my attention away from the more important sword!😄

I'm genuinely excited for this series and where it will go, it astonishes me that something like this isn't getting more clicks, not a single spelling error by my count, excellent grammer, effective characterisation and quality adherence to story telling functions. I hope others take notice of it soon, I'll be sure to keep reading😊👍.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:17

Oct 28, 2021

I know it says there's no pain but god damn does that sound painful😅😅.

With that said I like Gwyn ( is it pronounced 'Gween'? ) And the guantlet dragon's conversations, it reminds me of Delfiger and Saito from 'Zero no Tsukima', that sort of quipy banter between ally's/partners😊👍.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:14

Oct 28, 2021

Got to admit I'm pretty excited to see how you write combat in this series, looking forward to it when the arena figth finally begins😊👍

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:12

Oct 28, 2021

Wah-Hey the mystery girl is reveled!

Also I like the subtle nod towards her love of stars in this chapter, and older Inoue's mention of stargazing in the previous one, me think it do be foreshadowing😁😎.

For When Morning Comes and the Sun Doesn't Rise

Chapter:8

Oct 28, 2021

Sorry to keep spaming you with comments but I've got to say I'm really loving the quality of your work.

Your chapters are short but well paced and considered. I'm rarely if ever interrupted by grammer issues and the prose is nice & ligth to read.

As for the premise, while the highschool' stuff isn't particularly unique, I think the angel of having it be told by essentially an Ex-Romcom protagonist is really interesting.

I'm very excited to see where this goes, I'm pretty new to webnovel but your my favourite writer I've come across on here thus far, keep up the great work😊😎👍.

For When Morning Comes and the Sun Doesn't Rise

Chapter:7

Oct 27, 2021

Didn't expect Gwyn to jump out towards the metal wyvern like that😂.

Got to say your descriptions are really solid, the second race of people introduced in the prior chapter are easy to understand but instantly make an impression. Your mention growths on their heads which made me think of elk or rhino's with their organic almost finger nail material horns/antlers.

Likewise your description of the miniature dragon creature and the coliseum immediately leave an image. Great work!😁

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:10