Momentie / Comments

Momentie

Hi there,
This is the former home of my fiction - Unfortunately from drama, to a lack of innovation - To bugs that made the site unusable to me - My books are no longer being hosted here on here.

This in mind I'm leaving this note here to let people with an interest know you can find all my works in updated versions over on RoyalRoad & ScribbleHub - With plans for other releases yet to come.

For more info you can check out the final chapters of either 'UnderCurrent' or 'The Girl He Used to Know' - Which both depict my odd journey with this website😅.
HoneyFeed had its merits, it got me some feedback & I made some good friends here - But it is in effect the training wheels of web-noveling sites - If you are even slightly serious about your art or simply want a website that will teach you proper formatting & has an actual userbase - Then do yourself a favour, take off the training wheels & seek out the website that is right for you😊.

Best Regards,
-Momentie

registered at: Oct 14, 2021

Roles

Author

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievement

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Dec 04, 2021

Hmmmmmmm. You mention in your bio not being some master novelist (don't let that worry you, no one on HoneyFeed is, were all novices) however if I migth throw some small advice your way:

Firstly your punctuation is a bit random, in chapter one you forget paragraph breaks and you never put the protags internal commentary in italics.
(Mind you your grammer is decent😊).

Your pacing is a bit off too. I like a short chapter but don't be afraid to expand things out. If two characters walk through a foreign land for a week, then that needs to be more then a throw away line.
For a good example of short chapters set in an isekai world with natural pacing here on HoneyFeed you could give
@Ochroleucous 'Norpheil of resh' a read, it's the best isekai I've seen on here.
Alternately the Grimgar and re;zero ligth novels are both offically translated and really brillaint, which could also offer you a guiding light and inspiration from industry professionals.

Further you haven't actually described your characters, I ain't actually sure what protag looks like or even his age. In general your descriptions of everything are very bare bones.

Take time to immerse yourself in the world you want to create. Only by understand and having confidence in it yourself, can you convince others to believe in your work.

I'll keep reading seeing as these are short and maybe I'll come up with some more tips for you if you want👍. Good luck!

Paradox

Chapter:2

Dec 04, 2021

I'm fascinated by the idea of the world greatest musician having an intimate knowledge of anime😅, maybe weebs really are becoming mainstream😂.

World’s Best Musician got Reincarnated as a Masochist Assassin

Chapter:0

Dec 03, 2021

Ho, now that's one heck of an intriguing opener!

The War of the Gods

Chapter:0

Dec 02, 2021

Wow your really pumping these out this week, nice work!

I'm really interested to see how the whole cast will react to Whitlock's untimely demises, it'll say alot about each of them (and him I suppose) in how they take it - Exciting way to shake things up.

I like your new map btw, I know the feeling of trying to draw stuff😂, it's pretty neat that you have a proper digital drawing (I can only sketch and I ain't rich enough to go around commissioning more then the cover art😂😂) and that your one for Gwyn even includes the orange Cape and limp arm, nice touches all round😊👍.

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:43

Dec 01, 2021

Whitlock was rigth, Gywn's arrival did bode badly for him😭😭😭😭

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:41

Nov 28, 2021

My initial thoughts were all centred on how indeed Colton and his boys proved to be on the level of your average elder Scrolls guardsman.

Then I sat wondering if 'lieutenant' is a reference to 'Sarge' from RvB-

But by the end I was left in shock! Unless the king has a speical power ready this could change everything. Can't wait for the next one!!

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:40

Nov 27, 2021

Strange I've always thought the opposite, in that it seems like it would be a pain for the goblins/bandits/kobalts to navigate their homes when they're all filled with Bobby-traps and haunted by the hoards of their dead ancestors.....With that said I love the idea this place is still under-construction😅😅😂😂.

Also do I smell the so called 'godess' involved in some type/form of conspiracy hmmmmmmm?!😂😂😅😅

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:20

Nov 27, 2021

There's a few things I should comment on, like your wonderful description that feel surprizingly immersive and fluid, drawing me into wanting to read more but the only thing that feels appropriate to say now is of course the following(Lol if this chapter wasn't actually referencing Skyrim then this comment will seem point-blank insane😅😅);

~Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin,
Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!
Ahr fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan,
Dovahkiin fah hin kogaan mu draal!!!!!!~

The Isekai Police: Promise of a Wonderful Fantasy was a Lie

Chapter:19

Nov 27, 2021

Hmmmmmmm, I like how quickly the robot adopted the role of nagging house-wife😅😅.

Interesting that Nisa has some cat features like claws but not genetically reinforced legs. Her creator was a real eccentric eh?😂

A couple things I would say, for one while your descriptions of cluogths are detailed, your fairly vague on how people actually look - height, hair style, expressions etc.

Also Nisa has really latched onto our boy with remarkable speed. She's gone from hostile to dedicated sympathetic loli in the space of three chapters😅, reminds me a bit of the modern Tsunderes 😂.

I'll look foward to the next one👍👍.

My Life Is Already Bad...I Don't Need A Cat-Girl Making It Worse!!

Chapter:4

Nov 26, 2021

What can I say, it's chessy but I was kinda hoping Gywn would slap some sense into Colton😂.

Also gonna be great to finally see if Colton can actually figth or if he really is just your regular - 'I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee' - type of guard😂😅😂😂

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:39

Nov 23, 2021

Surprizing that they're isn't more security around to help considering the current conference🤔.

Interested to find out what Dia's deal is and why the princess wants her caugth so badly😁😁

The Nonpareil of Resh (Act 1)

Chapter:37

Nov 22, 2021

Oh crap I caugth up😅, I'll look foward for the next one😊👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:11

Nov 22, 2021

Hmmm, I'd reduce your cap lock, it the sort of tool that's best reserved for single word impact (usually coupled with onomatapeic words - 'THUD').

When used with dialogue it can be tricky to get rigth, for example I'm completely lost on what the manager sounds like. Initially I though she was a quiet mousy women but after her first few lines in this she sounds completly different, in large part because of the overuse of cap lock.

Similarly when the brother calls for her it creates dissonance, in that the cap locking makes it urgent but his actual line is way to flat. "sis I could use your help down here if you are done" - it's just so blasie (reminds me of the anakin and obi figth dailogue from the star wars prequels, but I digress).

Ideally you want the actually prose to convey the urgency, not the capitals.

"D-dam-- a..gh, Mana! Ma-mana?! Sis come quickly!"
(Not a great example but ya get what I mean😅😅)

Only a small thing but still worth keeping in mind, I think describing the tone of her voice would be a more effective route👍👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:11

Nov 22, 2021

To:Workaholic

Glad to of helped some small bit😊👍.

You mention rewrite a few times and of course whatever method you find most comfortable is best but I'd encourage you to simply keep writing for now.

Your book works in volumes which gives you easy stoping points so personally at least I'd finish your first volume before any re-writes, maybe keeping a to do list of stuff to focus on for your second draft😊.

Good luck😎👍.

The Aftermath of the Magic Apocalypse

Chapter:10

Nov 21, 2021

To:Deleted User

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it😊😊.

Also someone did mention the spelling thing before, I think my auto correct is set wrong😂😂, I shall have to investigate. Thanks for the heads up😎👍.

Former Exclusive Home of 'UnderCurrent - Can You Break The Cycle' - Now available of Royal-Road and Scribble-Hub

Chapter:0