Sep 09, 2022
Not sure what to say about this novel....but I'll give it a shot.
I would say this was a good story, I'm sure you were trying to convey it with all your passion in writing. However, I think there are some flaws that hold your story back. I won't dive deep into it since I'm not really good at critiquing, so I'll just say what I think could be improved. This is just my opinion so you don't need to take note of this!
1. Grammar makes the dialogues feel awkward, it gives me mixed tones on the emotions the novel was intending to convey. But it's understandable since English isn't your best language.
2. You tend to overexplain a lot. Especially during the fight scenes. It's hard to stay immersed in the action when you constantly have to steer away from the actual fights due to the explanations. I think you might have been worried about the scenes not making sense enough. I'd say it's better to keep it fast-paced and straight to the point.
3. The characters don't feel developed enough for me to care about. Most of the characters are easily forgettable since they don't really seem to have much significance. Not sure how to explain how it works, sorry. As much as I like Shuna, I still feel that she's also lacking in some way.
Anyways, don't take this comment seriously, just a novice reader trying to make insights.
Good luck on the contest!
