Mar 31, 2025
ok im gonna be real
I have no idea what's going on
everyone kind of talks and thinks the same, there is a ton of head hopping, mix between past and present tense, I have no idea how anyone looks like so they're a bunch of stickmen running through generic fantasy forest no.8584784
adding to this, since they talk the samend you use no dialogue tags, I have no idea who's saying what or why most of the time. There's rampant use of 'he' when I have NO idea which character that is because a) I don't know anyone b) most of them are hes. There's a ton of tell not show for random things with seemingly no connection, but for the main story thread, I legitimately cant follow what's going on.
Another nitpick: the setting seems VERY vaguely greek, but there's a bunch of spanish terms?I usually appreciste idiosyncracies like this, but with all the other issues I have i'm wondering if it's less intentional quirks and more of ????
I'd honestly suggest you edit this in order to organize your ideas better, from the way exposition is given, to characterization, to setting the scene, etc.
