May 16, 2025
I think that if this were an anime it'd be part of my "comfort" 7/10s. Keep in mind that this was a barely edited draft made by one person and 7/10 comfort animes are millionaire productions made by dozens of people, so there's that.
I think that right to the end my criticisms remain largely the same. I've harped enough on the prose so I won't bring it up again, but beyond that, there's the weird stylistic choice of multi POV multi timeline chapters that constantly jump in time and place, even perspective from third to first, which makes the experience needlessly confusing. I don't know if it's to be "artsy" or what but it just doesn't work.
Unfortunately the world building I was so interested in ended up not being expanded upon as it seemed to exist as a background for the two main characters rather than... well, as a world. Soo many interesting concepts were just casually tossed aside so Hoshina and Kaji could be horny together that right to the end, I kept expecting some random plot twist to show up... but no? The main conflict was "resolved", and it really feels like an ending ending. I get that maybe the intention was to keep them as the main point of interest, which is aight, but then why add so many other elements? You could've kept the story/setting simpler if the idea was to end it rather than have a "volume 1" end.
For example, what IS it with the outside world having much more modern technology and them just... not talking about it or caring? No one seems to give a shit about them being literal androids save to say 'hey onii chan why are u half robot now' (death of the author idc). Beyond that, if Hoshina was indoctrinated with the whole God said it's ok thing, why is the rest of the village seemingly indifferent to this? If her upbringing made it this way, why did the parent make no mention of the supposed god thing and just kind of wanted to fight because warrior's honor or whatever? I don't know, there's way too many things that were set up and just left in the air for me to really like like this, which is a shame because I really liked liked it but I can't also like like it because of how random everything was you get me
But anyway, Kaji especially was a great character. I joked about him being a tch himbo, but was surprised by how emotionally intelligent he is. It moreso feels like he had to put up a front all this time and this hiatus with Hoshina was what got him to mellow down and basically show his real personality, a.k.a. tch >///<.
On Hoshina's end, I was half-expecting her to randomly toughen up and become a boss bitch which honestly would've been really disappointing, so I'm glad that her kind nature was her strength rather than a "flaw", and to some degree, it was this defiance to the boss bitch cringe that actually allowed them to win and for tch to trascend boundaries, so that was pretty nice. I'd go as far as to say that Kaji allowed her to find her meaning of strength while she did the same in return, and that's... well, kindness, understanding, and empathy. While a lot of characters died (and some were frankly fodder from the start let's be real) I think the storytelling itself had a generally kind and empathetic approach to the way it handled its characters. As in, was the parent the antagonist? Sure. Was the parent evil? Not really. The story was neither forgiving nor condemning towards the attitudes of either side. Instead, it just portrayed. I don't know, I feel like you as an author also need a high level of emotional intelligence for that, which is reflected in the characters.
All of this to say that I sincerely enjoyed the essence of the story, its meaning and its people, but the GLARING FLAWS were too glaring. No joke, if you'd actually paid off the multiple plot holes and unaddressed worldbuilding elements, then this might've been my only 5/5 this year. I don't even care that much about the weird storytelling techniques honestly.
If nothing else, I would highly suggest that you pay equal attention to every aspect even if you don't care about every aspect equally. In order to achieve this, if you're a more character-oriented writer then... just keep other elements simple? You could've waved off the whole bigger world issue by having a random Genta section with him saying "ok done reporting the behavior of these ppl we were gonna nuke them but they're not bad we'll just leave them be" or something idk
Same goes for the plot. I think it worked for the story but the conclusion seems way too simple when you'd set them up as bloodthirsty conquerors because religion told them to. I know that it's usually a few people taking decisions and many more suffering/obeying, but in this case it's framed as ONE person doing this when you'd set up this whole drama with Tina as well idk. Should've edited more.
no glowing horns tho
I'll get back to yours soon
