Aug 10, 2024
Hello, I saw the ok for feedback so you're my next victim :3
If you remember from me reading your stuff before you'll know I like it quite a lot and think it's not only charming, but genuinely creative even though you're tackling familiar tropes and whatnot. While I'll say the same holds true here, there were some things that kind of dampened my enjoyment so I can't say I've liked it as much as your shorter stuff.
First, and this is just me nitpicking so feel free to ignore, but it was kind of hard to get invested or care about what was happening because the narration itself felt kind of disconnected to what was going on (even if I do think you have a fun writer's voice). The way the story opened made me think all the heroes would die as a way to show how OP the actual MC was or something. Thankfully that didn't really happen, but... kinda? I don't know, it felt like reading a news report, though I'll admit I don't care too much about the whole adventurer rank/dungeon crawling shtick of these kinds of stories. I just checked it out because you wrote it :P
The issue kind of carried onto the second chapter, mostly because of the chonky exposition at the beginning. I kind of warmed up to the story near the end, but can't really see any narrative thread or any particular character trait to get attached to, so to say. This is a non-issue to someone who's here for the gimmick, I think, because, ykno... they're here BECAUSE of it. It's kind of funny to see this story told from this perspective in particular, but yeah. Obviously, the story could 'get good' next chapter or smth, but with how long the first two were for HF standards, it could be damning. I'll keep reading nonetheless.
Oh, right, and after Stu showed up, I had no idea who was saying what. That's about it.
