May 01, 2025
Title drop, credit roll, absolute cinema.
I started reading this on the first of March and finished on the first of May, and in those two months it’s because a permanent fixture of my time, to the point that it now feels strange knowing there won’t be more chapters in the foreseeable future. It’s been a fun ride from beginning to end and I’m glad I stuck it out all the way.
I’m gonna write up my thoughts on the story in their entirety, and for brevities sake I’ll start with the criticism.
First, I think Aikami’s feelings towards and perception of the girls seem to develop at a seemingly random pace. I mentioned this in the chapter comments before, but it feels like you see him make progress time and time again only to go back to the “but they’re goddesses, they can’t care about me” mantra like a broken record. It’s a mindset that makes sense theoretically, but for storytelling it feels a little jarring at times.
And that’s… really about it. I didn’t find any other standout problems worth going into. The pacing across the board is a little weird, but that’s expected with an early draft. Most of the problems I found with it were things that are easily buffed out on editing and rewriting now that you know the whole story.
Now for the things I liked:
First of all, and probably unsurprisingly, I loved the girls. Harem tag rarely fills me with confidence but you managed to make all three of them distinct and interesting enough that it never once really felt like an issue.
Chloe is very sweet and likeable, but also feels like she has actual agency which is a nice change from the “nice girl that’s actually just a complete doormat” archetype you see often
Lana was initially my least favourite but grew on me relatively quickly, especially with that arcade date. Between Chloe’s childlike nature and Alice’s calm and sophisticated manner, the chaos and disruption she brings keeps things interesting in every scene she’s in.
And you already know about my feelings on Alice. You wrote the perfect woman. Literal perfection. I wanna marry her.
Altogether they make a wonderful cast that I’ve enjoyed reading about from beginning to end. Their steady development as they go from seeing Aikami as a subject of study to a friend to… however you’d define their relationship at the end has been really satisfying to read and just made me love them all the more.
Aikami himself has also been a pretty solid protagonist. His personality can seem a tad thin at times, but for the most part he’s leaps and bounds more interesting than most harem protagonists. Watching him go from being completely caught up in the whirlwind of their chaos to weathering the storm and riding it out with them has been great and (despite my previously mentioned gripe) has been a nice bit of character development to see.
Last thing I’ll bring up is just the symbolism and subtextual writing that I’ve really come to enjoy. I mentioned it in a previous comment, but you have a tendency to write symbolism and subtext that isn’t “punch-you-in-the-face” obvious but also not so blurred that you have to go out of your way to search for it. Personally, I really enjoy this style of writing. It helps me parse author intent without feeling talked-down-to or feeling completely uncertain about everything. So yeah, keep it up.
All in all, I’d give it a solid 8/10. It’s not revolutionary or anything, but it’s a story in a saturated genre that still manages to feel fresh and unique despite that.
And don’t forget to mark it as done! You’ll be DQ’d if you don’t
