Sep 01, 2023
To:IceDonut
As always, thank you for the spamming ๐ it is beautiful to read both the parts you likes, and the parts you would have loved to see be made stronger!! I'll reply back here, but not in as long of a format. Just know that I did read the whole thing!!
(And regarding them having children ๐ that is not something I was going to bring up in the scope of the story. Personally I do not imagine them with kids, but that is my preference. If it would make readers happy to imagine them with children, then I would be fine with that too.)
Character-writing is one of my favorite things, and it seems that came across well! Jun was altered a little bit in the beginning just to be a little less over-the-top, but he's still himself x) I couldn't completely change his character, because some of his silly head-strong traits that made him annoying, were also what prompted him to move along the plot and pursue the things he loved!
There were A LOT of story ideas woven into this short plotline, perhaps a few too many, but I don't think any of them got too lost thankfully. There are a few points I'd like to edit (as always) mostly revolving around the World Breakers and the magic. I think I could foreshadow them sooner and fit more explanation in earlier in the narrative, to help tie in some of those "softer magic" concepts that got a bit loose towards the end. ("Soft magic" is not my specialty as a writer, but I couldn't make this story work without it. So I accepted it as a necessary evil.)
I did approach this considering Isekai from a more "Slice of Life Isekai" variety (so considering anime like: Slime Taoshite 300-nen, Tondemo Skill de Isekai, Kami-tachi ni Hirowareta Otoko, Honzuki no Gekokujou) more than the typical "Adventure Isekai" variety (Re:Zero, Overlord, Escaflowne, etc.) So you are right to say it doesn't follow that usual shonen anime Adventure Isekai plot, and it doesn't end in a giant fight scene xD that was a personal choice. I did debate adding a "Slice of Life" tag to this story, but decided against it since the finale does try to go a bit more magical than that.
Some of the plot events where Claire used her magic to help were indeed mostly for time (rather than not considering other options.) And I do agree, there are parts that could be streamlined if I had a bit longer to think about it and could come up with a more "simple solution" answer. I'm not really overly attached to any of my plot ideas. I just didn't have the time to debate them: I had to pick a direction and go with it, or the story wouldn't get done ๐ So if later on I have the chance to consider other options for the story, I'd be open to that! :D
The only thing I'd debate you on is this story not being about romance xD because to me, Jun growing as a character through all the experiences he had throughout the story, IS what romance is about -- not just lovey-dovey experiences and dates, but truly growing and realizing how to "show up" for your own romance. But I realize this is a different perspective than the traditional romance path! And your points are still totally valid.
But thank you again for your review! I truly do appreciate it, and the critical parts help me consider things in new ways. A lot of what you touched on as critiques were often things that I myself thought about, and often those were parts that were cut or altered for time's sake...and honestly, that makes me very happy to hear. Because it means that I was on target myself knowing where the story *could* be stronger, and if I wanted to revise this later with more time, I would be on the right path!! I am still very proud of it as it is!
Thank you again Donut-dono ๐ฉ for your time! If I had more hours in the day I would immediately catch up with your story and return the favor ๐ but know that I will try to give your story an honest review as well here soon!!
(Hoping to catch up with Celluloid here soon too!!!)
