Jun 20, 2023
Honest review incoming 👍
First of all, I really dig the premise of this story. A guy remembering his childhood friend from the past but there's some drama involved, really digging that 😆 (Wait why does that sound familiar now?)
The prologue is honestly amazing, especially the vivid descriptions immediately reeled me in and the interactions between Kiri and Stan are super cute and just the kind of fluffy SoL stuff that I love. It's quite clear, though, that you've written it after chapter 1&2 because I think those two chapters need some work.
Part of the time while reading 1 & 2, I've been kinda confused about what's going on. Stan's thoughts blend into his narration so seamlessly that the frequent changes in tense resulting from this gave me some trouble following the story. More importantly though I feel like Stan's thoughts are fairly disorganized and chaotic. Were you struggling with these two chapters while writing them? Because the Prologue and chapter 3 are a lot better imho. The argument between Alice and Stan seemed well written to me (I wonder if Stan has some level of amnesia, I mean you don't just forget about rejecting someone, do you? xD)
BTW Is "not naming some of the side characters" a design choice? Kinda threw me off a little.
That's it for now, you've definitely got me curious, just consider editing chapter 1 & 2 again to make things less confusing. Keep it up! 😀
