Jul 11, 2023
First of all, you're doing a great job at trolling your readers. First making us believe she has boyfriend, then dropping the whole story about Stan and now a sudden kiss out of nowhere?! Makes my senses tingle for sure haha, good job in that department!
I feel like I also need to drop a little bomb myself though. I'm not sure if this is a general problem but in this chapter, I've been extremely lost during the conversations because of the machine gun fire rate of the dialogues. A lot of times I wasn't even sure who was talking.
You should consider adding more descriptive elements to your dialogues and make it a little clearer who is talking. Rapid-fire dialogues are nice in moderation, especially for quick banter like this but using them too much can lead to confusion.
I'm not sure what role Stan is going to play but the chapter already made it very clear that he's more than a random side character so I'm looking forward to more! 👍
