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Ducky123

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Fellow writer here. Long year fanfic author trying his hands at original stories. Hope you like my work.

registered at: Jun 12, 2023

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aaa

Jun 25, 2023

Hiroki's my friend, you're... something.

Savage xD

I know I'm repeating myself but I just can't help it. Your dialogues are so good man, it's like someone tossed me into a cabinet, locked the door and I'm listening to real people having real, natural conversations rather than the heavily constructed conversations you read so often in fictional work. Your work is truly a blessing.

Miho is a very interesting character to add to the cast as well. Ex-girlfriends can be scary and it's obvious these two aren't lovey-dovey with each other anymore though it's not exactly like they don't care about each other either which is a recipe for many interesting conversations to follow I'd imagine.

The Girl Over The Wall

Chapter:4

Jun 25, 2023

Dang, that's a tempting scheme. Can't blame our guy for giving in to Kanamaru. Another beautifully written chapter with engaging dialogues. 😍

And I see you're a master of plot twists and cliffhangers as well. Loving it!

The Girl Over The Wall

Chapter:3

Jun 25, 2023

Kanamaru is such a cool guy. The way he talks is truly mesmerizing and his cronies are just as well written. Love this! 😍

The Girl Over The Wall

Chapter:2

Jun 25, 2023

I was about to throw a comment in here about Haru's daily life being written in a really boring and dull way. But then I realized you (probably) did that on purpose to contrast the much more lively dreamscape he's experiencing with Grace. They're having their first cute moment too 😂

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:2

Jun 25, 2023

This story is truly a hidden gem.

It only took a few paragraphs to convince me that this story is going to make it big. Phenomenal writing, a captivating synopsis and a male lead who immediately connects to the reader. I'll be damned if this doesn't make it into the Top 10. Phenomenal work! 😍

The Girl Over The Wall

Chapter:1

Jun 25, 2023

Really interesting take to show the same scene twice but from the POV of both characters. While this leads to the scene feeling a little repetetive, the added insight into AI's mind really helps to understand why she decided to do what she's about to do here. 👍

Ai's Last Wish

Chapter:4

Jun 25, 2023

Drama tag? SOLD 😍

The premise reeled me in but there are a few issues that I have with your story. If you're interested in hearing some constructive feedback, please let me know (I know not everybody takes it well, hence I'm asking first).

Regardless, though, I'm liking the story so far (I'm already caught up)

Ai's Last Wish

Chapter:1

Jun 25, 2023

Next chapter is out guys! Keiichi is falling deep into the gaming abyss but maybe the ringing of the door bell is about to bring change into his life? Stay tuned to find out (and I'm working on my speed, srsly now >_> )

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:2

Jun 20, 2023

The dialogue in this chapter was a bit hard to follow initially but the more details became known, the more I could get into it. World building usually comes with some sacrifice but you chose to do active world building, using dialogue to not only introduce all of that information but also to start developing your character to some degree. I think it's one of the best paths to choose in this situation, just takes a few paragraphs to have enough information to understand the context of it all.

I'm curious to see what kind of intrigues and other bs the royal family and other nobles might pull on Vivian in the future, you've certainly nailed writing the nobility of the family (if that makes sense). I'll be following your future updates, keep going! 👍

That Time I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess's Stat Menu and Tried to Get Her Attention

Chapter:3

Jun 20, 2023

That's one of the silliest deaths I've ever seen but with all the reincarnation stuff lately people need to get crafty and that's what you did and I like it xD

Really like the story so far. Had a few chuckles here and there. Also didn't spot anything bad so far, really solid start! ^^

That Time I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess's Stat Menu and Tried to Get Her Attention

Chapter:1

Jun 20, 2023

To:Geta

Me too when I'm not having a shift XD

I'm glad you like the personalization of Keiichi. Yes, he's just 13 but things like *that* start happening around that age if you're an early bloomer. I'm speaking from experience trust me 😖

Thanks for you review!

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:1

Jun 20, 2023

To:kazesenken

Thanks kaze, that's a very good point.

The main bulk of the story happens in or around his home so spending some time establishing his family and home feels like something I shouldn't skip. This chapter might have been kind of boring if Keiichi just went ahead and talked about all these things, that's why I wrote a little narrative around it. I'm starting low with Keiichi indeed. It's actually easier to write a heavily flawed character than a character with no problems at all I think. He certainly won't stay like this forever. As you said, once his hot childhood friend comes crashing into his life again, he just can't stay like that lol. But will she be hot though? We won't know just yet.

Things should pick up in a chapter or two once Koyori reenters his life (and I hope I can make them stand out and if I fail at it I'd be glad if you could let me know too).

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:1

Jun 20, 2023

To:Geta

Thanks Geta!

Yeah he's probably an early bloomer at his age but it's not completely uncommon for these things to randomly appear around that age afaik.

Glad you liked Yori's description, I'm definitely going to go more into detail once he meets the current Yori in a couple chapters.

Thanks for the constructive feedback as well. I already asked kaze but if you could pin down a sentence or two to give me a more precise idea of what type of sentences I need to avoid in the future, that'd really help me work on this in the future 👍

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:0

Jun 20, 2023

To:sumi_non

Lol better a low-effort comment than no comment at all, I still appreciate it 😂Wouldn't really know you liked my work if you hadn't ^^

That's the first time anyone has called my writing style "comfy", I feel honored 😅 Actually, it's the first time I'm using present tense for a 1st person narrator so this comes as an even bigger surprise!

I don't mind at all if you're trying a learn a thing or two from another author. Reading is the best way to learn how to write (aside from actually writing of course) 😉

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:0

Jun 20, 2023

To:kazesenken

Thanks for the comment kaze 😀

Guess it shows that I'm german huh? We do love our long sentences. Jokes aside though, could you pin down one or two examples of this? My main reason for using longer sentences frequently is because I feel like it reads a lot nicer if two sentences are connected rather than reading two short sentences that could eaily be linked up with each other. I'll try shortening them a bit for chapter 2 when I write that later 👍

My childhood friend ran away from home and now I have to share a room with her?!

Chapter:0

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