fallere_chan / Comments

fallere_chan

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registered at: Apr 20, 2024

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aaa

Jan 08, 2026

Don't info dump. I feel like I am drowning on too much info.

Dead Demon Detectives

Chapter:2

Jan 08, 2026

Too much dialogue. Show, don't tell

Dead Demon Detectives

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

This makes me think "VTuber Legend: How I Went Viral after Forgetting to Turn Off My Stream"

Last Stream

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

Write down everything in a book. Break it into smaller chunks for a part two. A story can go further by placing constraints.

TOKYO FAST BLUE

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

Don't force. Let this be a conversation between you and the reader.

Unartificial Romance

Chapter:4

Jan 08, 2026

No dialogue in the beginning and so much at the end. Show, don't tell.

Unartificial Romance

Chapter:3

Jan 08, 2026

A strategy to maximize the slow burn drama might help more.

Unartificial Romance

Chapter:2

Jan 08, 2026

It's nice but you need to consider pacing and flow.

Unartificial Romance

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

The dialogue could be expanded on but nice.

Starlight

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

Anything that you write is a dialogue between you and the reader. It doesn't give that response.

YOU HAVE MY FACE

Chapter:0

Jan 08, 2026

"Ow, ow, ow." Even children don't say that. If you are in pain, what is the reaction you are conveying in that state. Shock, anger, outrage. It sounds more like a grade school play.

Jester!

Chapter:4

Jan 08, 2026

I recommend that you have a notebook, write everything down first then type everything.

Jester!

Chapter:3

Jan 08, 2026

Pacing and flow are key to a good story.

Jester!

Chapter:2

Jan 08, 2026

It is nice but you might want to switch from first person to third person. Give different perspectives in order to change your mindset.

Jester!

Chapter:1

Jan 08, 2026

Try to consider the flow and pacing.

The Sacred Orb - Chapter Origin

Chapter:2