Dec 27, 2024
To:Ćunfre
Hey Cunfre! Sorry I’m just getting to your story now- it's been a hectic week!
To add onto my thoughts from before:
This chapter is a solid start! I like the world-building you've done. The details about Nova Occasio, the climate control debate, and the unique societal quirks are intriguing. Brigham’s excitement about turning 16 through really well, and his friendship with Curro adds a nice vibe to the story.
Here's some advice :3
-Maybe try showing more than telling. Like, instead of just saying Brigham is athletic, you could show him doing something that really highlights that. Same with his excitement- maybe show him pacing or fidgeting to really bring that feeling to life.
-The news segment is super interesting! I think it could be even more engaging if you find more ways to tie it to Brigham’s immediate thoughts and feelings.
Overall, this is a promising start! Keep developing the characters and the world, and you'll have a great story!
