May 05, 2025
Whew. I made it. I don't usually read so quickly, and I really, really don't like reading individual chapters and not commenting one every single one, but I figured since the contest ends in ~3 or 2 days, I could make an exemption. I'll probably reread this novel slowly once the contest is over. Unless I die or something, I don't know 
So frankly, this story is actually really fun even though my brain has been severely working overtime like I'm back in high school and reading Fahrenheit 451 before a test or something HAHAHA
I think the story is actually currently fine in its current state (minus a typos like "held back a gag with the back of the first", which I think you meant "fist"?) (and then there's also the "proyect" thing in chapter 1, but I assumed that was a joke haha)
I do think that IF you want to check out something on your own, it would be around chapter 5 (or VI. lucine's theme) because that seems to be a critical chapter. I personally don't really see anything wrong with it. I'm just pointing out that it seems to hold a lot of weight.
And here's some notes I took for my own comprehension (I usually don't, but reading at this pace kinda forced me to piece information together):
[The âBeyondâ (mentioned in chapter 4 & chapter 6) is where Rafaela briefly gets sent to when she dies; sees a lot of behind the scenes content of the game, including the fact that Devs have lots of sleepless nights, so VERY extensive information about reality. Increases believability of Rafaela knowing about Lucine having no âstrange drawingsâ produced of her on the internet.
The âBeyondâ ALSO seems to refer to things outside the in-game world in general. Premium currency is considered to be from the beyond.
The sea of After (mentioned in chapter 2) is where everyone âelseâ gets sent after dying. I'm assuming itâs different from where Rafaela goes, and I donât exactly need an explanation (I can make assumptions), but⊠yeah, just taking a note.
Important note for me: it took until chapter 6 for me to realize through the âside questâ exposition that this specific world is a specific playerâs world (because in this world, the player did not kill the cult girl).
The public domain books (chapter 6) explain why Rafaela knows about the âBritishâ. This is CRITICAL to Rafaela's ability to reference irl stuff that's beyond just "company lore".]
I don't even know if this will help, and I have no idea if you're going to try and finish this novel in the next ~60 something hours.
For the most part the novel reads fine (it flows quite well, I think) so I think you have a green light to charge forward from here.
Also Lucine is definitely my favorite character HAHA I do want to see more of her, and perhaps go more into why she's so broken now
... Sorry if this isn't helpful, but TL;DR: this is fine, I think. The foundations are all there in place and probably won't collapse if you rushed through it.
But yeah. Good luck with the contest!!! Go the distance!!!! 
Even the smiley faces on the sausages makes me wish I could have eaten Tani's bento and I was going to their school. Unfortunately bro lives in Japan
I think this chapter was a very strong case of "show not tell". I'm very happy with this chapter :>