Feb 12, 2025
Ngl, this felt all over the place. You've introduced - 6? I think? - named characters in the span of ~1.5k words and frankly, I don't think I'll remember any of them unless you revisit them in the next chapter. Framing this all as a dinner is an interesting choice, though; alongside with the 'nothing of note' that frames it all, it does ground this scene into a kind of strained normalcy, so kudos for that. That being said, I feel like you tried to pack way too many plot points into this. The Arhonian conflict, the whole uncertainty whether the Mikins are in the right or wrong, the reverence towards the King's 10 children, etc. All of these are noted, but they're gatling gunned at us to the point that they hold no weight. You could've focussed on any one of those alone, ended the same way, and I think it would've been a far easier read.
