Mar 04, 2025
I'm a bit confused about the concept of 'avatars'. Are they meant to be representatives of the gods, or the gods themselves taking human flesh? Whilst the text broadly suggest the latter interpretation, with the avatar of the God of Sea falling prey to the beasts, it would suggest otherwise?
Furthermore, I think you are using dialogue a little too much, to the point where the boundaries between dialogue and exposition are blurred. This isn't to say abundance of dialogue is a bad thing, however it would benefit you to think of each mode of storytelling's pros and cons before devoting so much space to one of them. At times, I found it hard to follow along with the dialogue, simply because it was a long, uninterrupted, and untagged sequence of lines.
The fact that we get very little explicit introspection, the whole message being conveyed verbally instead, makes the character feel a little glassy and hollow. The way they talk is very forward and explicit, which is simple enough to understand, but makes them feel unrealistic. The goddess of death all but explains the philosophy of existentialism to Ases in layman's terms, to which Ases replies with very broad platitudes. Both of them sound quite measured and calm as well, which feels like an odd vibe to underpin what is essentially a tense conversation meant to convince Ases to renounce his apathy.
