Jun 04, 2022
Tbh, I think you're being way too wasteful with the prose here. There are a lot of senseless constructions and overly verbose statements that really don't achieve very much. The action sequences would be far better off if they'd be brisker and less long-winded, while the dialogue could serve to just live tagless every now and again. All this is to say that I feel like you've gone into this with the idea that being wordy is achieving this ideal of high-level writing, which really isn't the cure-all.
I think you'd be much better off if you tried to be more economical with your writing.
I do, however, enjoy the narrative quite a fair bit. I'll keep this on my radar for a while, see where it goes. :)
