Jul 10, 2023
I think another thing you should work on in terms of readability is how you format your sentences. A lot of the time I have to reread because you use commas instead of periods and run-on everything into the ground. I think a spellchecker could definitely pick up on these instances, if not a writing aid like ProWritingAid or Grammarly. Use them as a starting point, then slowly phase them out.
Another thing is that the pacing of all of this is extremely volatile, but generally extremely quick. To that end, no one scene feels like it carries any sort of weight. They're over before they get started and leave nary a mark or impression. I feel like you could really benefit from spacing things out a lot more and adding more girth to your scenes and descriptions, otherwise you risk having a very thin plot.
Reading your comment, I've noticed that you're worried about the word limit. Don't be, it's a guideline, not a rule. Don't sacrifice words if it means writing a story that's worse for wear – take it from a mod.
