Jio Kurenai / Comments

Jio Kurenai

19 Following

40 Followers

Author of Parable of the Renegades, or ParaRene for short.

Aspiring Game Designer and writer who loves it when games and stories get married to create an experience.

Criticism of my work is definitely welcome, so long as it's constructive!

I'm also looking forward to reading what you write! ;D

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶

June 21st, 2020 was the last time "Parable of the Renegades" made it to the #1 spot in both the Weekly and Monthly Rankings!

As this is my first web novel, I can't ever hope to describe how ecstatic I am! Thank you to all my readers for the rad comments, which I always make time to read. I hope I can continue to write prose that makes your already satisfying day even better!

registered at: Nov 15, 2016

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aaa

Sep 06, 2017

To:James K.

I dunno if I'm really concrete on who I believe is best girl here. I think you're still hiding some. >;)

Anyway, thanks for showing the extra paragraphs here. Okay, so my first impression of Jin was completely different than what you wrote. Glad I chose to keep my fingers off the keyboard for that part.

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:8

Sep 05, 2017

To:James K.

Oh yeah, you're right! XD

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:6

Sep 05, 2017

To:James K.

Woah! This was the highlight of my day because long comments truly are the best! :D

First of all, I'm really pleased that you and a few others feel my characters to be human. It seems to me that my characters have made their mark and I hope that this can help you try to understand their future motives or their reasons for a certain action. I'll do my best to work my way towards that!

Also, I'm really glad Mr Faust's getting some really nice reception from you guys and I'm really happy he did. He's got some shoes to fill in this story for a reason and I'm looking forward to what that is.

It's my desire to write this as an action/adventure story that focuses on character development as the story goes along. I hope to incorporate what makes me love battle manga/anime so much too like a story behind the fight, a battle of ideals, a debate between characters through the use of trading blows, lots of brutality and of course, epic fight scenes. I'm clearly not there yet, but I'm excited to see how my words will play it out!

You're also right on the story just getting started. It's been over 16 chapters but only a day has passed in the story! I can't write fast because I'm too much of a perfectionist who keeps editing the same paragraph countless times for several hours because I want myself to feel struck with emotion. I also want to update regularly so my readers have less of a chance of forgetting previous events, which is why I made each chapter focus on a few events at a time. That's also why I supported you when you asked if shortening the content of your chapters was a good idea.

Welcome to the bandwagon, James. We're comrades in arms now! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:16

Sep 05, 2017

The levels on Yumeha's adorableness keep rising! I'm really enjoying the ahoge-wag moments!

Yukino's appearance, actions, and mannerisms were described well! Prim and proper along with a kind nature that can make others want to take advantage of it. Well that's what was in my head.

By the way, I can't visualize on how Jin looks like other than he's tall. I hope you can either give this a quick edit to give him some noticeable features because, for the time being, his moral actions and the way he treats Taichi make me think of him as a uh... Well, better I don't say it and just wait to learn what you want him to look like...

Anyway, I'm sure you have more student council members to introduce and I'm looking forward to meeting them!

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:8

Sep 05, 2017

Loved the description for the sunlight entering the room through the window. I've wanted to write something like that in one of my earlier chapters but I didn't know how... until now.

I know you mentioned him hitting on girls back in his middle school days but something's telling me that Satoru's a master peeper in his high school age if hardly anyone can sense his presence. XD

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:6

Sep 04, 2017

Well done! Your writing is very easy to follow and understand and the dialogue between your characters feels very human! Setup for the main point of the story was pretty good too.

Minor typo. There's a period connected to Kris on the wrong side in the part where the class murmurs something.

Regardless, I think you're going to do just fine here. ;)

The King's Advisor

Chapter:2

Sep 02, 2017

To:chesarka

Congratz on the silver badge! And thanks for the feedback and pointing out the typo as well.

I can see why you believe that Lucas hasn't received much character development compared to Rio as she had the starring role for three chapters in a row. The way I intended to go between the two is that will Lucas' develop himself as the story moves forward while Rio's background was revealed to give an idea of who she is as she will play a somewhat passive role in the present.

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:16

Sep 02, 2017

To:Gerry Hines

Glad I was able to deliver! I really appreciate your praise for the way my character's interact. Makes me only want to find more ways to make it better. I'd still do it even if you criticized it but well I'm definitely more motivated if thought it was good. I'm hoping that I can develop them in such a way that their actions can become less predictable while still staying true to their individual personalities.

Seems all the research I did on stitching paid off! Just so you know, I looked back into my childhood and re-watched the most painful episodes I can remember of Happy Tree Friends while I wrote that part. I still need to improve more on how I write moments of pain, but I'm glad you found my portrayal of it satisfying for the time being.

It makes me happy to know Soren Faust is resonating well with you guys! He's more or less a teacher who knows how to deal with his students and he became a teacher for a reason. I mentioned he has some hidden knowledge that the history textbooks do not contain. Just what could that knowledge be? Hope you're looking forward to his next appearance and beyond!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:16

Sep 02, 2017

To:TrinityNovels

Thanks a lot, man!

Even if Viola isn't your favorite character, I'm hoping that your perspective of her doesn't end up on the negative side. I have certain plans for her later on. XD

Also, it seems Mr. Faust made a nice first impression so far, not just for you but for my other readers as well! Whenever I introduce a new character, it's because they will have a role to play in the story so I hope you'll be looking forward to the next time he makes an appearance.

By the way, his name is "Fenris." Francis reminds me of that raging persona of a certain youtuber. XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:16

Sep 01, 2017

Prologues don't have to be long and I'm pretty satisfied with this one because I already have an idea of what's happening and the introductions of your characters weren't difficult to understand.

Your premise is pretty interesting so I'll be keeping an eye on this and I'll do my best to give some advice whenever I can.

Welcome to Honeyfeed! I hope you enjoy your time here!
こちらこそ　よろしくお願いします！　(kochirakoso Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu!) :D

The King's Advisor

Chapter:1

Aug 10, 2017

I'm very impressed with the world building, especially how this world came to be! The descriptions were very profound especially the story being told as Kudo and Hikari descended the spiral staircase so kudos (almost a pun, haha) to you for such an exquisite way to reveal some history!

For an almighty being, Ritheru seems to have limits on his power as I originally thought otherwise while I along, but then again, it's probably for the best or maybe creating stuff has made him sacrifice a portion of his powers.

Anyway, it was a nice touch for Hikari to speak so casually with him, as it makes me see her even more as one of the most powerful characters you've introduced so far.

This has been a good way to spend my study breaks so thank you very much and apparently, I still have a long way to go before I catch up! :D

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:69

Aug 07, 2017

Forgot to mention this, but you wrote a "1" instead of a "!" when Kudo was looking at the jib number on his phone.

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:68

Aug 07, 2017

You did a great job introducing some of the other members of Alpha Heart. I was glad to see that not all of them were welcoming to the newest member and I'm excited to read how Kudo may interact with each of them.

With Kudo finding everything he worked hard for being sold like firewood in the city, I'm starting to wonder if he may ever encounter someone throwing expensive materials or something else of high value away in a similar manner to a rich person burning money in front of the poor.

And the part about Hikari registering herself as "mommy" in his new phone. It reminds me of why Lucas refuses to call Rea his mother back in POTR. XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:68

Aug 07, 2017

Good to know you gave some backstory for both Hikari and Shinezu.

So Kudo sort of has to start over from the very bottom eh? Well I'm looking forward to seeing how his skills are compared with the other members of Alpha Heart!

Oh yeah, I want to point out that you just placed Hinota in the Ame for one moment. XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:67

Aug 05, 2017

This has a lot of potential, so color me intrigued! The premise is pretty interesting with the world being divided into 4 superpowers and I'm curious about who this foreign girl is! 0_0

Still, that doesn't mean I think it's flawless. First of all, since Honeyfeed currently does not have the feature to put indents in the beginning of our paragraphs, I suggest you break down the walls of text into smaller paragraphs that are clearly separated by a line of space. That way, there's less of a chance for the reader to get stressed especially if they haven't finished reading the rest of the chapter. These paragraphs can be separated by having each of them follow one topic before you move on to another. Look at how my paragraphs are separated in this comment. :D

Your grammar and punctuation need some work too. I'm no master by the way and I make mistakes too so I suggest you get the program "Grammarly," especially the free browser extension version for Google Chrome, Safari or Firefox. It detects your mistakes after you finish typing and points them out while providing suggestions. Heck, as I was typing this comment, I was making some errors too and got corrected on the spot! I don't think it's perfect by the way as I disagreed with its suggestions occasionally, but I'm certain it will improve your piece at least compared to how you initially wrote it. ;)

Well, I think that's all I could say for now. Good luck on your story! :D

New Grand Battle: Love Comedy 新戦国ロブコメ

Chapter:1