Jio Kurenai / Comments

Jio Kurenai

19 Following

37 Followers

Author of Parable of the Renegades, or ParaRene for short.

Aspiring Game Designer and writer who loves it when games and stories get married to create an experience.

Criticism of my work is definitely welcome, so long as it's constructive!

I'm also looking forward to reading what you write! ;D

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June 21st, 2020 was the last time "Parable of the Renegades" made it to the #1 spot in both the Weekly and Monthly Rankings!

As this is my first web novel, I can't ever hope to describe how ecstatic I am! Thank you to all my readers for the rad comments, which I always make time to read. I hope I can continue to write prose that makes your already satisfying day even better!

registered at: Nov 15, 2016

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aaa

Oct 25, 2017

To:ThatGuy025

Thanks for the comment, Guy! Makes my day even better whenever I see a new "like" and/or comment on my work! It also motivates me to get the next chapter out asap! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:1

Oct 07, 2017

To:ThatGuy025

Hey, thanks a lot for taking some time off to read my brainchild!

I gladly welcome you to the Renegade bandwagon and I hope you don't jump off this ride too soon. As some of the other comments here imply, things can only get juicier as you move on from chapter to chapter.

Will be looking forward to your next response on this! ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:0

Oct 05, 2017

To:Gerry Hines

Oh yeah, it's the calm before the storm (I hope you guys see it that way). I really love that contrasting technique because like in real-life, we will have our good and bad times but it's all happening in the same world and occasionally, the same place you're having a good time in.

You and James K. are expecting a lot out of Fenris. I know he was going to be brought up to me soon but I didn't expect it so early since he hasn't appeared in a while! It's making me double, no, triple, no, It's making me check my notes of him over and over again to make sure he will deliver! 0_0

James K. also agrees with your views on how Davis and Rio interact. Said they're the perfect comedy duo with Davis playing the idiot and Rio playing the straightman or woman.

Now that you mentioned it, Rio did display the signs of getting high when she ate the stuffed portabello mushroom Lucas made for her. I swear this was all a coincidence. Portabellos are brown and I think only bright colored mushrooms are poisonous enough to get you into cloud nine or the seventh heaven, or maybe I'm missing something?

Righto, back to writing the next chapter where Lucas and Rio will be sharing a bed after having known each other for just about a day or two... Things have escalated for Lucas since he let curiosity win him over for once, and now he's in for a rough night...

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:18

Oct 05, 2017

To:James K.

Davis not being affected too badly by his countless headbanging to the lamppost was really just meant for comedy reasons but then again, Davis can be quite hard-headed, probably not just figuratively. I got the idea for this when I read a Dragonball Z crossover special where the special guest was Kankitchi Ryotsu, the main character of "KochiKame", which is a gag manga that ran for an impressive 40 years in Weekly Shonen Jump without the author taking a break! (Holy S**t, that's some dedication). In the special, Frieza tries to kill him with every Earth-breaking attack he's got, only for the ordinary human to survive unscathed. Was it because he was superhuman? No, he's ordinary but his invincibility is because he's a gag character and gag characters can survive anything life-threatening like a point-blank explosion from dynamite. That being said, Davis is by no means, invincible, and this was simply meant to be him expressing his frustration in an exaggerated manner over his introverted friend seeming to hit it off with a Nihanese.

By the way, Davis, even though he's got some of the pre-requisites to becoming a Renegade (not revealing the exact details there yet), was planned and will always be a human. (Sorry!)

I want Yakumo to come back too but she's all the way back in Nihan and has no reason to play a role for now. T_T By the way, if you know "School Rumble", I based my Yakumo on the character of the same name in that series, partially because of her opposite characteristics with her older sister.

Glad you liked my food scene and the foodgasm that came with it. As much as I'm pleased the way it is now, it would have been better if I had a way for Rio to describe how each of the individual ingredients are affecting her like how characters in Shokugeki no Souma tend to say all sorts of randomness like the acidity of what they're eating or the amino acids that get released into the tongue after taking a bite out of this (I'm just spit-balling here). There's an interview with the author of that series somewhere in Anime News Network on how he comes up with such over the top analogies but I've yet to bring myself to look it up again after reading it once before.

I'm glad you're looking forward to Fenris! I've already got an idea on how things with him will go but the transition to him is currently where I'm having some writer's block. Well, I still have another chapter that does not involve him so I still have a bit of time to think while writing. I get why you called him "Fenrir" and that's partly why his name is like that but yeah, I noticed a few of guys misspelled his name. Maybe that won't be the case anymore when he finally gets some of the spotlights!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:18

Oct 05, 2017

Heyo! Your paragraphs need to be separated, but I don't blame you because you already knew you had to do that since that's not the case with the paragraphs in the previous chapters. It's most likely because of a recent Honeyfeed update that our paragraphs come out as fused together if we copy and paste from another word editor (though that isn't the case with copying and pasting to the comment section). Hope they fix that soon because it's pretty stressful work for me and a few other authors here.

Since your chapter isn't that long, I suggest you take this opportunity to split your paragraphs manually before any of your other readers gets a little stressed from reading a wall of text.

Kris having an "Attractive" face is pretty subjective so you need to dig down a bit deeper into what makes him like that if you want us to think the same. By adding a little more detail like maybe describing the shape of his face, his nose, and mouth. Better not even use the word "attractive" at all if you are describing your characters. Save it for moments that involve the eye of the beholder like a character finds this other person to be attractive because of her slanted emerald eyes, crimson hair that framed her heart-shaped face, cat-like smile, etc. Those features are probably not attractive to some people but at least it shows your character has his own distinguishable tastes. No need to use them all but at least give enough because right now, I'm imagining Kris to be faceless aside from having eyes and hair. I probably made that mistake somewhere in my work too!

With that out of the way, I've taken a premature liking to the female king. Raven hair, sapphire eyes, and white skin, she has almost exactly the same features as the female lead in my novel! (*^*)

The King's Advisor

Chapter:3

Oct 03, 2017

As someone who is also writing a story with dark elements (depending on the situation), this instantly caught my eye when I read the premise.

Whether my standards are low or high does not matter - I'm quite impressed with how you describe your prose. I'm also glad you separated your paragraphs by a line because not doing that would equal an instant criticism from me and a few other constructive authors here.

The part about the Mordant plague was bone chilling and I loved that feeling. Seemingly infinite Leeches with all their wiggling does resemble a flame and I believe they turn red after they drink someone's blood? Fwooh, I can't say I've never heard of that before, but the way you wrote about it was awesome!

Even though the premise said this will be a collection of short stories, I guess this one isn't over yet? Normally, I assume one story will be one chapter long but Whatever the case, your work has found its way to my library and I'll be keeping an eye on you.

Welcome to the Honeyfeed community, Setsuki! ;)

Cards and Edges

Chapter:1

Oct 03, 2017

Glad to see you're taking advantage of the updates features to modify your text into italic, bold or underline. That's gonna make your novel more alive!

You did a great job of writing a pretty long chapter that only involved a bus ride. Woah, I mean... You did recently read a chapter of POTR that involved a bus ride scene (I think I see another reason why you compared Davis to Yumeha XD) but Holy Hell, that one was like half or even below half the length of this!

Wow, so Taichi hears everyone's thoughts like they're shouting, eh? Then that gives potential for some really hilarious thoughts that would normally sound just fine if spoken with a soft voice. Hmm... The first thought that came to mind was 'CAN SOMEONE TELL HIM TO STOP TALKING!? WE'RE IN A LIBRARY!!!'

Lastly, I suggest you post the links above as a comment and not as an author's note. I would like to view them but the site prevents anyone from copying and pasting anything that's part of the published chapter. If that rule did not exist, the only reason I'd ever do such a thing is so I can see how many words were written in this chapter! Honest! XD

I Can Hear Your Thoughts, but it's not like I'm Telling You or Anything!

Chapter:9

Oct 01, 2017

To:James K.

Is a free hug from Rio really worth it? She's not just gonna drain your energy, it's going to hurt really bad too in proportion to how much skin-to-skin contact she makes. Just her grabbing you with one hand was already excruciatingly painful as experienced by Lucas along with a few others who met their demise from it. What more would a hug bring or even the next step?

These SoL chapters happen because while my characters will be getting into conflicts that lead to action scenes, I want to show that they have social lives too and it's not always going to be just for the sake of light-hearted moments. I always want some sort of set-up or hint before throwing my characters into action and I'm glad you wrote in your other comment that these innocent events are actually hiding something for later on. There's a reason why this chapter is called "Lighting the Spark." As I tend to split my chapters to involve only one or two events at time due to my desire to give updates at a regular rate and/or because my word count for one chapter is getting too high, I hope it doesn't make you think that I'm suddenly deviating from my intentions to make this a shonen battle novel just because some SoL chapters are happening too many times in a row.

It came to me as unexpected that you would find Davis and Yumeha to have a similar feel, but your reasons have convinced me! Davis exists for a reason and I'm glad you've gotten fond of him! That makes me even more excited for his next appearance and beyond that!

Lastly, regarding the in-universe LN titles I came up with, I can't say for sure if I will eventually adapt them here, as I want to focus solely on this story for now. If you wish, feel free to write them if you have a story in mind. All I ask is that you credit me for the names. ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:17

Sep 29, 2017

To:chesarka

Thanks for the heads up as always! I've fixed what you mentioned in your comment along with some other typos I managed to find along the way.

Yup, the food scene was inspired by Shokugeki no Souma and I highly recommend it. The scene would have been so much better if I could make Rio describe the flavors in addition to her fantasy but I couldn't think of a proper description regarding the ingredients.

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:18

Sep 29, 2017

To:TrinityNovels

Glad you're safe and sound! It makes me happy my comment brought your spirits up, and I still have one more gift for you on this day. ;)

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:80

Sep 24, 2017

Woohoo! Feels good to finally catch up after all my personal errands have ended and as I take a break from writing the next chapter in my work!

Overall, I gotta say, you really outdid yourself compared to the last volume. Your descriptions have certainly improved cause I felt struck in awe as I read along. I kept thinking, "damn, that really works!" *Claps hard in applause*

Now on to my overall thoughts on this volume:

The new world of Triun or Roprase (I forgot which is which, sorry!) truly was an astounding twist, being a modern city except that it runs on mana. With all the good stuff that you would normally bust your ass for just behind a shop window, I wonder just how far do the limits of the city go?

I've grown fond of Raika and Kuki. The pair didn't appeal to me at first but seeing the struggles the pair went through before finding a mentor in Kudo made me sympathetic. (I'm not in debt or anything, but you know...) I didn't need to look in the dictionary for where you got their names, but if you really wanted Kuki's name to come from the Japanese word for air, you should have spelled it as "Kūki" or "Kuuki."

And on to our hero. Kudo's landing in a new kind of world has truly expanded his horizons and I can't wait to see the look on Hinota's face when they reunite. Speaking of Hinota, maybe the next volume can focus on what currently up with her? Regardless of whether that's the plan or not, I'll definitely be looking forward to what you have in store!

So to end this, it was a fun ride and I can't wait to get back on this roller coaster when it's ready to shoot onto its tracks once more. I hope things are progressing nicely on the new laptop you're trying to procure, but until then, I'll do my best along with other writers you follow to keep you entertained! Happy writing! ;)

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:80

Sep 24, 2017

In one part, you wrote Kuki's name as "Kudo." It's in this line:

"Kudo's heart ran cold."

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:78

Sep 24, 2017

Minor Typo:

In Kuki's menu, the word "Title" is spelled as "Tile"

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:76

Sep 23, 2017

I really loved this Arc! Kudo has definitely matured and this showed when he agrees to train Raika and Kuki in the ways of an experienced if not veteran adventurer!

Okay, so while I was pretty much correct on Rai and Kui's classes, you caught me off guard with them having a special version of an archer and gunner. Speaking of their classes, I really liked how the words "cute" and "cool" were peppered all over their skills! That was a nice touch for them being so young.

And the process StormPlus went through was a barrel of laughs. I got a good bellyache on the parts where Kuki underestimates Kudo because of his significantly lower level and not on the details that matter. I learned the same kind of thing the hard way on some RPG games I've played. And finally, I'm ending this comment by saying that my favorite part of all was how this arc ended with the magic bag scene. You've really broken the mold with how you portrayed Kudo like someone who would do something drastic just to get one task done! XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:75

Sep 21, 2017

Thank you! We're just getting started on Davis by the way, so I hope he grows on you just as how James did to me! I also hope you don't think this story is heading to a RomCom territory despite what is happening right now. The characters have a social life too, but we'll be getting back to what I hope will anchor you guys and raise questions very soon!

For Lucas' status an as internet celebrity along with something else that happened here, there's a reason why I named this chapter, "Lighting the Spark."

As much as I'd like the idea of possible merch, the "Free Hugs" shirt is nothing of my creation. You can Google search for it and you'll see what I choose based on the description I gave it here!

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:17