Jio Kurenai / Comments

Jio Kurenai

19 Following

38 Followers

Author of Parable of the Renegades, or ParaRene for short.

Aspiring Game Designer and writer who loves it when games and stories get married to create an experience.

Criticism of my work is definitely welcome, so long as it's constructive!

I'm also looking forward to reading what you write! ;D

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶

June 21st, 2020 was the last time "Parable of the Renegades" made it to the #1 spot in both the Weekly and Monthly Rankings!

As this is my first web novel, I can't ever hope to describe how ecstatic I am! Thank you to all my readers for the rad comments, which I always make time to read. I hope I can continue to write prose that makes your already satisfying day even better!

registered at: Nov 15, 2016

Roles

Author

Badge

bronze

What is Badge?

Achievement

What is an Achievement?

Report this user

Novels

Gallery

Comments

Sep 01, 2017

Prologues don't have to be long and I'm pretty satisfied with this one because I already have an idea of what's happening and the introductions of your characters weren't difficult to understand.

Your premise is pretty interesting so I'll be keeping an eye on this and I'll do my best to give some advice whenever I can.

Welcome to Honeyfeed! I hope you enjoy your time here!
こちらこそ　よろしくお願いします！　(kochirakoso Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu!) :D

The King's Advisor

Chapter:1

Aug 10, 2017

I'm very impressed with the world building, especially how this world came to be! The descriptions were very profound especially the story being told as Kudo and Hikari descended the spiral staircase so kudos (almost a pun, haha) to you for such an exquisite way to reveal some history!

For an almighty being, Ritheru seems to have limits on his power as I originally thought otherwise while I along, but then again, it's probably for the best or maybe creating stuff has made him sacrifice a portion of his powers.

Anyway, it was a nice touch for Hikari to speak so casually with him, as it makes me see her even more as one of the most powerful characters you've introduced so far.

This has been a good way to spend my study breaks so thank you very much and apparently, I still have a long way to go before I catch up! :D

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:69

Aug 07, 2017

Forgot to mention this, but you wrote a "1" instead of a "!" when Kudo was looking at the jib number on his phone.

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:68

Aug 07, 2017

You did a great job introducing some of the other members of Alpha Heart. I was glad to see that not all of them were welcoming to the newest member and I'm excited to read how Kudo may interact with each of them.

With Kudo finding everything he worked hard for being sold like firewood in the city, I'm starting to wonder if he may ever encounter someone throwing expensive materials or something else of high value away in a similar manner to a rich person burning money in front of the poor.

And the part about Hikari registering herself as "mommy" in his new phone. It reminds me of why Lucas refuses to call Rea his mother back in POTR. XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:68

Aug 07, 2017

Good to know you gave some backstory for both Hikari and Shinezu.

So Kudo sort of has to start over from the very bottom eh? Well I'm looking forward to seeing how his skills are compared with the other members of Alpha Heart!

Oh yeah, I want to point out that you just placed Hinota in the Ame for one moment. XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:67

Aug 05, 2017

This has a lot of potential, so color me intrigued! The premise is pretty interesting with the world being divided into 4 superpowers and I'm curious about who this foreign girl is! 0_0

Still, that doesn't mean I think it's flawless. First of all, since Honeyfeed currently does not have the feature to put indents in the beginning of our paragraphs, I suggest you break down the walls of text into smaller paragraphs that are clearly separated by a line of space. That way, there's less of a chance for the reader to get stressed especially if they haven't finished reading the rest of the chapter. These paragraphs can be separated by having each of them follow one topic before you move on to another. Look at how my paragraphs are separated in this comment. :D

Your grammar and punctuation need some work too. I'm no master by the way and I make mistakes too so I suggest you get the program "Grammarly," especially the free browser extension version for Google Chrome, Safari or Firefox. It detects your mistakes after you finish typing and points them out while providing suggestions. Heck, as I was typing this comment, I was making some errors too and got corrected on the spot! I don't think it's perfect by the way as I disagreed with its suggestions occasionally, but I'm certain it will improve your piece at least compared to how you initially wrote it. ;)

Well, I think that's all I could say for now. Good luck on your story! :D

New Grand Battle: Love Comedy 新戦国ロブコメ

Chapter:1

Aug 04, 2017

I'm bookmarking this as a reference for when I one day describe the insides of a mansion in POTR. Can't say when it will happen, but you never know.

Oh God, that last part about rebirth therapy... I was reminded of the post apocalyptic world of Mad Max where Mother's milk is drunk by everyone.

I think I'm gonna *BLEURGHH!!!!* XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:66

Aug 03, 2017

To:Deleted User

Thanks a lot for wishing me luck on my exam! 「がんばります！」(I'll do my best!)

Oh, and on the topic of this novel's brutality, whether you enjoyed it (you sadistic monster [kidding :P]), or if it made you grimace (in a good way, I hope). I think we've had our fill and it's time to take a break from it for a while.

By the way, you're quite the perceptive one. ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:15

Aug 03, 2017

So Roprase is like the modern world, but the energy source is mana! Splendid idea, make me think of a steampunk world! Ah... Kudo's "futureshock" reaction was the icing on this cake! :D

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:65

Aug 03, 2017

And here we have Hikari wasting no time in letting all her mother's instincts out! All the pent-up love is being unleashed in one go! And then there's Kudo, the target of this, looking all blue in the face from being bombarded with affection. He does not look like he's going to last much longer.

I'm saying this like I'm a commentator by the way. XD

Hour Empty Child

Chapter:64

Aug 01, 2017

To:chesarka

Fixed it. Apparently, I also made some confusing errors regarding which hooligan was associated with what number so it was like they were switching weapons in the middle of the chapter. Sorry about that. XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:15

Aug 01, 2017

To:Gerry Hines

Okay, I'll make the changes to the EyePhone later!

Rio wearing a white sweater was just a coincidence before I found out about one of its symbolisms from your story. She's been wearing since chapter 6. Of yeah, did you know that in Japanese, the kanji for "4" can also mean death? How many Hooligans did Rio take on? ;)

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:15

Jul 31, 2017

To:Akasabi

Thank you! I hope this work can brighten up your day even if just by a little! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:0

Jul 31, 2017

To:Gerry Hines

Thanks for the response! While I didn't pursue it all the way, I do have some experience in martial arts.

I'm glad you consider Rio to be an anti-hero. Hopefully, this will mean the decisions she will make become more unpredictable without feeling odd.

For the iPhone, maybe I should modify it to be a close resemblance but not exactly the same product. Hmmm... EyePhone? It could have and ocular symbol on the back, maybe?

And yup, that was indeed a Kingdom Hearts Reference, but for the time being, I should actually forget Kingdom Hearts 3 is still in development or else I might not stop thinking about it every day.

In fact, I shall do it to myself now. *Makes hand and arms perform super sentai gestures ending with a diamond hand symbol* 【Forget Forget Forget Beam!!!】 XD

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:15

Jul 31, 2017

Alright, I completed that missing section. I forgot what I wanted to write after "Since I was the one..." so I wrote something else instead. The purpose though is what I originally intended. Thanks again! :D

Parable of the Renegades [BETA Version]

Chapter:15