Jun 22, 2017
To:TrinityNovels
I don't want to leave this question hanging since you addressed it to me (and anyone else who's willing), but I don't think I can criticize you're writing style because it is one of the references I look to when I'm having writer's block. I too don't have any professional training and I relied on trying to re-live the excitement I feel when reading the works of others into my own. That being said, I can at least share some of the aspects in writing that make the experience better for me. Just so you know, I'm unsure whether or not you use these because I only remember the events of HEC, and not how you wrote them. So please hear me out for now.
1.) Minimize the use of adverbs
- I want to try to make my readers visualize the same way I imagined it and adverbs are sometimes subjective.
This is my favorite example: "She danced gracefully as she went to me." [Gracefully], is pretty general, so it would be better to use at least a verb that means to dance in a certain manner that YOU consider graceful. My final take on the sentence above would be "She pirouetted toward me." It's more specific and shorter too, right? In case you didn't know, a pirouette is a ballet motion involving spinning with one leg suspended and bent at an angle while the other one keeps the dancer standing.
I'm still using adverbs up to now, but only because I feel like there is only one way to describe that scene or because I have no idea on what's a better alternative. Describing something as happening [slowly] is one example, but I recently used [at a snail's pace] as an alternative.
2.) Don't always be too direct with descriptions
- Being direct is fine if the reader must know a certain piece of information, but if that information is optional, it may be better to write it in a way that would make it sound rewarding for the reader if he can figure out what it implies. Honestly, I think I'm better at indirection in dialogue rather than in descriptions.
One example is from the game Injustice 2 (Definitely recommend it if you play fighting games). One of the possible interactions between the DC characters Scarecrow and Captain Cold make one of them feel savage for being indirect.
Scarecrow: "Do you fear death?"
Captain Cold: "I prefer to flirt with it."
Scarecrow: "So did your sister..."
Here, captain cold implies that he likes to take thrilling risks while Scarecrow implies that his sister is dead judging from his tone.
3.) Innuendo
-Okay, this is a bit of give and take, but I enjoy ecchi manga and light novels. Despite that, I like it more when raunchy scenes are described indirectly or hinted rather than spoken straight to the point.
The way you described Kudo and Hinota's training in the early chapters of HEC was a nice example, hence why I commented that I approve their training.
Those were just the ones on the top of my head. Hope they were helpful if some of them were new, but also a great reminder that you're doing great if you've been using this techniques for a while. :)
